Holiday Songs
Have you ever stopped to consider what is being sung to us each and every year around this time? As we drive in our cars to go shopping, as we shop in over priced stores, while we pay for those over priced items, while we drive to another store to shop, while we have coffee when taking a break from shopping, and while getting over priced gas to go do more shopping. Well, if you never wondered, here’s what you’ve been missing and what is being taught to your children preparing for those holiday pageants and plays…
Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer:
Seriously, this is the song that got me started down this road. I mean, have you listened to this song?? Basically it is telling us it is ok to discriminate against someone or something because it is different…until you have a good use for it. “All of the other reindeer use to laugh and call him names…” because he had a shiny nose, i.e. he was physically different from the others. “Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide our sleigh tonight…” Well, you are now useful so we’ll put you to work. “Then how all the reindeer loved him…”, hey you can actually do something useful, we’ll except you! Don’t worry about us making fun of you before, it’s all good now. I mean, c'mon!
Frosty the Snow Man:
Basically Frosty is about death and unlawfulness. So a snowman comes to life – clearly witchery – then plays with the children? A jolly happy snowman? Hmm..right. “Thumpetty thump thump, look at frosty go.” Second verse, this snowman isn’t without flaws. He will eventually “die” (melt) but before he does, let’s go laugh at the establishment, ignore traffic laws, and swear our vengeance. “Don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day.” Sounds like a bad horror flick were the villain just keeps coming back in the sequels.
Holly Jolly Christmas
This song is rife with promiscuity and alcoholic beverage promotion. 16 lines of hollies and jollies, cups of cheer, and mistletoe induced kissing. And just say hello to everyone you meet, why not? Invite unnecessary confrontations with random vagrants on the street, yeah, good idea. While you are at it, take them home and kiss them under the mistletoe, real holly and jolly.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Do I really need to explain this one to you? Adulterous winch. Apparently this song was written in 1952 and I blame all feminist movements of the 60s, 70s, and 80s on this very song.
Jingle Bells
Some songs hide their debauchery in rarely sung verses. Case in point, an innocent sleigh ride turns into a haunting accident, “I went out on the snow and on my back I fell / A gent was riding by in a one-horse open sleigh / He laughed as there I sprawling lie / But quickly drove away.” That’s just wrong, its like driving by a car accident scene and laughing at the bodies that were thrown from the car, who does that?!? Oh, and least I mention what our jolly rider was heading to – “I thought I’d take a ride, and soon Miss Fanny Bright was seated by my side” – and now cut to later that eve – “Go it while you’re young, take the girls tonight and sing this sleighing song”
Let it Snow
Who knew that saying goodbye could be a euphemism? “The fire is slowly dying / And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing / But as long as you love me so / Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow”
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
I’m pretty sure this is the basis for the current (Bush) administration’s wiretapping policy. “He’s making a list / and checking it twice / Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.” Oh, and talk about conformity and persuasion of kids to be “good.” I think you get where I’m going with this
The Christmas Song
An obviously drug induced hallucination in lyrical form. “Jack Frost nipping at your nose”? “folks dressed up like Eskimos”? “Tiny tots wit their eyes all aglow”? If Mel Torme wasn’t high on something while writing this song then I need whatever he had for dinner that night ‘cause I’m running out of ideas for blog posts.
Lyrics found at: http://www.nevada.edu/~blake/Christmas.songs.html
Showing posts with label colbert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label colbert. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Colbert for President of South Carolina
Colbert for President
I am not sure how many of you actually watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central but it has to be one of the funniest shows on TV. Where Jon Stewart hosts Daily Show and aims at political awareness, calling politicians out their BS (yes, even the dems), Stephen Colbert drifts the fine line of satire. Colbert overtly plays the Regan-loving, right-wing, egomaniac conservative to a mockery. But where his character ends and the man underneath the suit begins is uncertain. And now he is running for president (as both a democrat and republican) in his home state of South Carolina. Colbert’s popularity is limited to viewers of his cable show and the far too brief appearances at White House press corps dinner, the Emmys, and recently, his book tour interviews – each and every time in character.
What better person to make a mockery of the political election system than a person who enters a race exemplifying many of the same characteristics as the current contenders. Straddling the fence to appeal to the center, reaffirming the status as a republican by sucking up to the religious right, self-praise for accomplishments and accolades presented to them by public commissions and/or media publications, playing a character that is rarely representative of the actual person in hopes to appeal to a mass audience, and charisma in front of an audience and/or camera. Oh, and has written a book about America…that’s critical. In fact, Colbert has a leg up on all those other hopefuls…his own half-hour TV time slot, albeit on cable and off-prime hours. Granted Colbert intends to only run in South Carolina and seldom celebrities make even a minor impact on elections (primary or otherwise). Certainly some celebrities have reached national government, heck, even Colbert’s “idol”, Regan, reached the Presidency but this happens most often after years of lower level public service and pandering to the political machine. Now the Colbert Nation is revving up for a push to make a splash in the SC primary. Whether this is to boost his TV show or actually bring attention to the importance of the primary process (or maybe mutually beneficial), Colbert has already received main stream media coverage on his announcement, which in itself was self-scripted. Either way, Colbert’s entrance into the political fray, satirical or not, will bring much needed humor to a field lacking in everything Colbert can bring.
I am not sure how many of you actually watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central but it has to be one of the funniest shows on TV. Where Jon Stewart hosts Daily Show and aims at political awareness, calling politicians out their BS (yes, even the dems), Stephen Colbert drifts the fine line of satire. Colbert overtly plays the Regan-loving, right-wing, egomaniac conservative to a mockery. But where his character ends and the man underneath the suit begins is uncertain. And now he is running for president (as both a democrat and republican) in his home state of South Carolina. Colbert’s popularity is limited to viewers of his cable show and the far too brief appearances at White House press corps dinner, the Emmys, and recently, his book tour interviews – each and every time in character.
What better person to make a mockery of the political election system than a person who enters a race exemplifying many of the same characteristics as the current contenders. Straddling the fence to appeal to the center, reaffirming the status as a republican by sucking up to the religious right, self-praise for accomplishments and accolades presented to them by public commissions and/or media publications, playing a character that is rarely representative of the actual person in hopes to appeal to a mass audience, and charisma in front of an audience and/or camera. Oh, and has written a book about America…that’s critical. In fact, Colbert has a leg up on all those other hopefuls…his own half-hour TV time slot, albeit on cable and off-prime hours. Granted Colbert intends to only run in South Carolina and seldom celebrities make even a minor impact on elections (primary or otherwise). Certainly some celebrities have reached national government, heck, even Colbert’s “idol”, Regan, reached the Presidency but this happens most often after years of lower level public service and pandering to the political machine. Now the Colbert Nation is revving up for a push to make a splash in the SC primary. Whether this is to boost his TV show or actually bring attention to the importance of the primary process (or maybe mutually beneficial), Colbert has already received main stream media coverage on his announcement, which in itself was self-scripted. Either way, Colbert’s entrance into the political fray, satirical or not, will bring much needed humor to a field lacking in everything Colbert can bring.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Expectations
Yet another relative term, expectations can change even the smallest of situations. Preconceived notions regarding an event in anticipation of what is to come can distort reality and leave a person unfulfilled. From a wedding, a start of something new, a new job, to something as simple as a movie or a book, if expectations are not achieved, we are disappointed. I say this on the eve of the newest, and last, Harry Potter installment (don’t spoil it for me – but my prediction is they both die). But you could say this about anything with high expectations, such as the latter Star Wars trilogy (complete blew). But even on a smaller scale to the individual, big events never seem to live up the expectations because we can never predict exactly how something will turn out (hmm, on this trip to San Francisco I think I will save the world, get the girl, receive universal praise and admiration, and blow them away with my powerpoint presentation at the share holders meeting). But how can we avoid expectations? Our mind creates expectations to prepare itself for a coming event (what do you mean the reception will be on a blimp?) What becomes dangerous is the constant distraction and brain power used to establish our expectations (I will be old and retired in forty years! What will I do in between sleeping and napping?!?)
Conversely, low expectations allow for pleasant surprises (oh, this mysterious, unpronounceable dish didn’t kill me…nice). How often have you entered a movie theater where Keanu Reeves is the star and expected to be blown away? (Enter the Matrix) We have low expectations in some cases for good reason, but give the Matrix credit for surprising a hella lot a people. (raise your hand if you saw a spoof of the roof top bullet scene) How many times do you watch a video, navigate to the website, read reviews, search on google, ask friends before going out on a date – I mean, see a movie? (Modern dating? I'm pretty sure it used to be considered stalking) That might be a good indication that you may have high expectations.
I have fallen into this despair on several occasions, and what I have learned, nothing ever turns out how you expect it – too many variables. (I was never good at math) But some expectations are unavoidable, my advice to you, keep an open mind, adapt to situations easily but to your advantage, and do not fret when expectations do not meet your high standards (that way when the event fails to reach your expectations you can skip out during the intermission and be home by the time Lost comes on) And that’s today’s word.
Conversely, low expectations allow for pleasant surprises (oh, this mysterious, unpronounceable dish didn’t kill me…nice). How often have you entered a movie theater where Keanu Reeves is the star and expected to be blown away? (Enter the Matrix) We have low expectations in some cases for good reason, but give the Matrix credit for surprising a hella lot a people. (raise your hand if you saw a spoof of the roof top bullet scene) How many times do you watch a video, navigate to the website, read reviews, search on google, ask friends before going out on a date – I mean, see a movie? (Modern dating? I'm pretty sure it used to be considered stalking) That might be a good indication that you may have high expectations.
I have fallen into this despair on several occasions, and what I have learned, nothing ever turns out how you expect it – too many variables. (I was never good at math) But some expectations are unavoidable, my advice to you, keep an open mind, adapt to situations easily but to your advantage, and do not fret when expectations do not meet your high standards (that way when the event fails to reach your expectations you can skip out during the intermission and be home by the time Lost comes on) And that’s today’s word.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Armchair Traveler
**(disclaimer: this is a work of sarcasm, comments and opinions found in this post do not reflect that of the actually writer himself or any of his subsidiary affiliates [think Steve Colbert])**
Listen, I may be one of the last individuals you would find camouflage covered, cowboy hat wearing, Bon Jovi lovin’, wrapped in the red, white, and blue patriot of the U.S., but I will never complain about the benefits of being an American citizen: Unfettered access to the internet can take me to anywhere I want to go or find any information I need about any other country on Earth. 24-hour news and cable channels beaming me images via satellites from remote parts of the world that I will never have the opportunity to be shot at, mauled by a panther, or dodge poisonous darts.
Thankfully we have such great news outlets like Fox News to deliver non-bias, unfiltered, informative, factual information. How can the BBC know what information is best and most pertinent for Americans if they aren’t even in America? Who else could report the hard hitting facts on the wonderful job that the current administration is doing except those who use to work for the father of the leader of the current administration?
In my still relatively short life time, one that I should point out has not seen me live for any period of time more than 70 miles from my place of birth, I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet individuals from around the world. Why would I ever need to travel to places like France, Germany, Russia, Armenia, Hong Kong, China? I get all the authentic culture I need from my English speaking foreign friends. I know how to say “hello” and “how are you” in 7 languages, if any more than that is needed to be said then they can speak American to me.
Some people call America the world’s “Big Brother” but who else is going to watch all those countries who are trying to usurp power away from America? Imagine Klafalagastan was your little sister and she was trying to become head cheerleader at her school, Earth HS. To do this, she must establish nuclear power plants to power her stereo so she can work on her routines and heat her family’s one bedroom house during Klafalagastan’s -40 degree winters. Well big brother, feeling that little sister’s new found popularity by becoming head cheerleader would take all the attention off of him being star forward for the Earth HS basketball team, should step in and accuse little sister of enriching uranium that she will use to build weapons that could hurt rival Suzie-Jo who only wants to have her rightful spot on the squad.
And seriously, what do we have to learn from countries outside of the United States beside that they hate Americans? I mean, it’s not like the French have a unique and highly logical way of electing a president that would remove inter-party bickering and presidents winning while still losing the popular vote. The Euro doing better than the dollar? Please, like that will be the day. We are the most powerful nations in the world, other countries should be following our lead because no matter what we do, even if it is wrong, it is right, because we did it. Why would U.S. automakers look at the German engineered automobiles for durability and quality? How would we get people to buy more cars if they lasted as long as German and Japanese models? It’s called capitalism people, look it up, we invented it, we control it. Universal health care? You hippie Canadian. Mass genocide in Africa? Oh hop on the Angelina Jolie bandwagon why don’t ya. Listen, if they don’t show it on Fox and Friends then it isn’t happening, why can’t you people figure that out?
All these immigrants aren’t sneaking into this country for no reason. Obviously they see what a wonderful country this is, why can’t the rest of the world? U.S. companies are doing their part to promote American ideals by building their manufacturing plants in Taiwan and Mexico. Cheaper labor is the cry coming from all those anti-Americans out there trying to bring down the U.S. capitalism machine. It ain’t gonna work you hippie economists…all that money is coming back to America when those workers buy our overpriced, high quality electronics…that were manufactured by them, shipped to American, then shipped back for retail sale. It’s complicated but I think you see the logic. American companies wouldn’t do things for their own capitalistic benefits would they? No, of course they would look to better the entire American society so give them a break.
So the next time one of these European back-packers, or study abroad supervisors, or foreign diplomats comes and tries to convince you to “travel and see the world” tell them you have cable TV, thank you very much, and the only culture you need is the American culture.
Now sit back in your comfy la-z-boy and watch the crumble of the western world right before your half-closed eyes…unless you are watching Fox News, then everything is fine.
Listen, I may be one of the last individuals you would find camouflage covered, cowboy hat wearing, Bon Jovi lovin’, wrapped in the red, white, and blue patriot of the U.S., but I will never complain about the benefits of being an American citizen: Unfettered access to the internet can take me to anywhere I want to go or find any information I need about any other country on Earth. 24-hour news and cable channels beaming me images via satellites from remote parts of the world that I will never have the opportunity to be shot at, mauled by a panther, or dodge poisonous darts.
Thankfully we have such great news outlets like Fox News to deliver non-bias, unfiltered, informative, factual information. How can the BBC know what information is best and most pertinent for Americans if they aren’t even in America? Who else could report the hard hitting facts on the wonderful job that the current administration is doing except those who use to work for the father of the leader of the current administration?
In my still relatively short life time, one that I should point out has not seen me live for any period of time more than 70 miles from my place of birth, I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet individuals from around the world. Why would I ever need to travel to places like France, Germany, Russia, Armenia, Hong Kong, China? I get all the authentic culture I need from my English speaking foreign friends. I know how to say “hello” and “how are you” in 7 languages, if any more than that is needed to be said then they can speak American to me.
Some people call America the world’s “Big Brother” but who else is going to watch all those countries who are trying to usurp power away from America? Imagine Klafalagastan was your little sister and she was trying to become head cheerleader at her school, Earth HS. To do this, she must establish nuclear power plants to power her stereo so she can work on her routines and heat her family’s one bedroom house during Klafalagastan’s -40 degree winters. Well big brother, feeling that little sister’s new found popularity by becoming head cheerleader would take all the attention off of him being star forward for the Earth HS basketball team, should step in and accuse little sister of enriching uranium that she will use to build weapons that could hurt rival Suzie-Jo who only wants to have her rightful spot on the squad.
And seriously, what do we have to learn from countries outside of the United States beside that they hate Americans? I mean, it’s not like the French have a unique and highly logical way of electing a president that would remove inter-party bickering and presidents winning while still losing the popular vote. The Euro doing better than the dollar? Please, like that will be the day. We are the most powerful nations in the world, other countries should be following our lead because no matter what we do, even if it is wrong, it is right, because we did it. Why would U.S. automakers look at the German engineered automobiles for durability and quality? How would we get people to buy more cars if they lasted as long as German and Japanese models? It’s called capitalism people, look it up, we invented it, we control it. Universal health care? You hippie Canadian. Mass genocide in Africa? Oh hop on the Angelina Jolie bandwagon why don’t ya. Listen, if they don’t show it on Fox and Friends then it isn’t happening, why can’t you people figure that out?
All these immigrants aren’t sneaking into this country for no reason. Obviously they see what a wonderful country this is, why can’t the rest of the world? U.S. companies are doing their part to promote American ideals by building their manufacturing plants in Taiwan and Mexico. Cheaper labor is the cry coming from all those anti-Americans out there trying to bring down the U.S. capitalism machine. It ain’t gonna work you hippie economists…all that money is coming back to America when those workers buy our overpriced, high quality electronics…that were manufactured by them, shipped to American, then shipped back for retail sale. It’s complicated but I think you see the logic. American companies wouldn’t do things for their own capitalistic benefits would they? No, of course they would look to better the entire American society so give them a break.
So the next time one of these European back-packers, or study abroad supervisors, or foreign diplomats comes and tries to convince you to “travel and see the world” tell them you have cable TV, thank you very much, and the only culture you need is the American culture.
Now sit back in your comfy la-z-boy and watch the crumble of the western world right before your half-closed eyes…unless you are watching Fox News, then everything is fine.
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