I think we’ve all been in this position before: You recently met someone, a co-worker/classmate/friend of a friend/random acquaintance, and you are at that awkward period…you know what I’m talking about right? When you want to kid around but aren’t sure if you might offend them or maybe let something too personal slip out about yourself, like that time back in middle school when you left the gas on in science class and your teacher came in the next day with a wig and drawn in eyebrows. And how much personal information do you let out? (Disclaimer: The following may or may not be true about myself) “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend but please continue to talk to me.” “I am studying to be a teacher but please do not look at me like I just woke up in a trashcan.” “I enjoy the Harry Potter series but please do not categorize me as one of those types.” “I watch the food network in hi-def because regular def doesn’t make my mouth water like it is suppose to, is that weird?” “I can go entire weekends without ever leaving the house but really, I’m a fun person!”
See there is a certain time when all the above could be shared with someone, but it shares a fine line with the time when you should not share this information with a recent acquaintance. For some, writing personal experiences then posting on a blog or myspace allows for a level of detachment…until someone makes a comment and realize that guy/girl you were interested in and/or they were stalking you, actually read it and left a comment that sent you into involuntary spasms before you could finally remove that post from public existence. For ever reason, this sharing of private information or reaching an informal level of coexistence tends not to be an issue between same gendered individuals. At least for guys, whether you want it or not, guys just tend to be more open when they meet another guy, immediately delving into a past conquest, reminiscing about that time they were in Bangkok and spent a night in jail for public exposure but was finally released with a small donation to the station’s commanding officer’s favorite charity – tax write-off was a bonus.
So I propose that in said situations as described in this post, that men and women, when reaching that level of comfort/non-comfort that if we trust our initial instincts that got us to this point, that no matter what personal information surfaces we not hold it against the other…unless of course you find out he/she enjoys a night full of candles, soft music, and minor torture of stray animals, then maybe it might be time to politely decline that invitation to their next party.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, October 22, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Average
In baseball, the batting average is the number of times a batter gets a hit divided by the total number of chances, or at bats. Now there’s a lot more that goes into it besides that, like walks, being hit by a pitch, scratching one's crotch, do not count as an at bats, but I think you get the point. For most players, batting .300 (or 30%) is considered good, maybe even above average. Below .200 is considered bad, the “Mendoza Line.” No one has it over .400 for a season since Ted Williams in 1941. He hit .406, basically he got a hit 4 out of every 10 at bats – meaning he failed to get a hit 6 out of every 10 at bats. And he was considered one of the best hitters of all time. So the average player who, say, bats .250 (25%) fails to get a hit 3 out of every 4 at bats. Granted they are charged with a task of hitting a little white ball 3 inches in diameter coming at them at 80-100 miles per hour, using a long wooden stick, not an easy task mind you.
Well, baseball is a metaphor for life in some many ways, people have written volumes on the topic. A guy ‘strikes out’ when he fails to ‘score’ with a lady. I won’t even go into the whole reaching base references that you are probably already familiar with, even if you are not a baseball fan. To guys, sometimes the bar scene is like “playing the field” of baseball so it is just fitting I think of it as a spectator sport. Now some guys go with the swing away approach. "Can’t get a hit if you leave the bat on your shoulders." Others wait to get the count in their favor, for the uninitiated that means waiting for a time when you can expect a hittable pitch. In this analogy, I guess that would mean waiting for last call or something. Of course we have the doping charges of major league players using performance enhancing substances to ensure better chances of getting hits or even homeruns. I won’t touch that one but I think you can see the correlation. Some prefer to play at their home field, others on the road. Some like the day games but most still play at night. The adventurous ones stick around for the day-night doubleheader or sit through long rain delays. You have pinch hitters who can be called upon in potential scoring situations, but pinch runners are rarely used, only when speed is of the essences. Think of the seventh-inning stretch like that hour or two you do at the karaoke bar before heading into the late innings.
Sometimes life in the relationship world feels like the old Abbott and Costello baseball fielding line-up skit, “Who’s on First?,” – yes. Or better yet, maybe it is like your on opposite teams and the third base coach is giving encrypted singles to his team that you can’t decipher. A relationship should be more like softball, easy to hit pitches, bigger bats and balls, to get better changes at reaching base….and drinking only makes the game more fun. Instead we face the ace of the pitching staff every 5 days, some hot, upstarts the other 4 days, the hall of fame closer during those close games, and a gold glove winning middle infielder who won't let any balls get by them, turning an inning ending double play, and can make those diving stops, throw from your knees strikes to beat you by a half-a-step at first base.
I’ve always considered myself an average guy, maybe the most average you’ll ever meet. Does that mean I will only be considered successful a quarter of the time? Maybe. Of course I consider myself successful by waking up on time in the morning and making it back to bed at some point after dark…so far I’m batting 1.000 in that category. Go me. So what is our definition of average? Do we apply the bell curve to everything in life? Has life gotten so hard that we need to think of it like a 3 inch tightly wound ball covered in leather with some stitches coming at us at 95mph? Do we start testing with a passing rate of 25/100, but make the tests really, really hard?
Well, it is October; the baseball playoffs are on their way. A whole lot of hours of boringness capped with a few minutes of the best excitement of your life…sound familiar? So let the games begin and play ball!
Well, baseball is a metaphor for life in some many ways, people have written volumes on the topic. A guy ‘strikes out’ when he fails to ‘score’ with a lady. I won’t even go into the whole reaching base references that you are probably already familiar with, even if you are not a baseball fan. To guys, sometimes the bar scene is like “playing the field” of baseball so it is just fitting I think of it as a spectator sport. Now some guys go with the swing away approach. "Can’t get a hit if you leave the bat on your shoulders." Others wait to get the count in their favor, for the uninitiated that means waiting for a time when you can expect a hittable pitch. In this analogy, I guess that would mean waiting for last call or something. Of course we have the doping charges of major league players using performance enhancing substances to ensure better chances of getting hits or even homeruns. I won’t touch that one but I think you can see the correlation. Some prefer to play at their home field, others on the road. Some like the day games but most still play at night. The adventurous ones stick around for the day-night doubleheader or sit through long rain delays. You have pinch hitters who can be called upon in potential scoring situations, but pinch runners are rarely used, only when speed is of the essences. Think of the seventh-inning stretch like that hour or two you do at the karaoke bar before heading into the late innings.
Sometimes life in the relationship world feels like the old Abbott and Costello baseball fielding line-up skit, “Who’s on First?,” – yes. Or better yet, maybe it is like your on opposite teams and the third base coach is giving encrypted singles to his team that you can’t decipher. A relationship should be more like softball, easy to hit pitches, bigger bats and balls, to get better changes at reaching base….and drinking only makes the game more fun. Instead we face the ace of the pitching staff every 5 days, some hot, upstarts the other 4 days, the hall of fame closer during those close games, and a gold glove winning middle infielder who won't let any balls get by them, turning an inning ending double play, and can make those diving stops, throw from your knees strikes to beat you by a half-a-step at first base.
I’ve always considered myself an average guy, maybe the most average you’ll ever meet. Does that mean I will only be considered successful a quarter of the time? Maybe. Of course I consider myself successful by waking up on time in the morning and making it back to bed at some point after dark…so far I’m batting 1.000 in that category. Go me. So what is our definition of average? Do we apply the bell curve to everything in life? Has life gotten so hard that we need to think of it like a 3 inch tightly wound ball covered in leather with some stitches coming at us at 95mph? Do we start testing with a passing rate of 25/100, but make the tests really, really hard?
Well, it is October; the baseball playoffs are on their way. A whole lot of hours of boringness capped with a few minutes of the best excitement of your life…sound familiar? So let the games begin and play ball!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
One Step Up From Monkeys
So I have this play list that lasts exactly 30 minutes (for running purposes I made lists that last various lengths of time) anyway, I recently wronged someone I am very close to and it got me thinking about relationships. Somehow this play list fit exactly with the situation. Here’s how it felt to me.
“So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know. Its ok if you don’t know everything.” - Ben Folds
This lyric should be heard by every man, boy, husband, and boyfriend in the world...or any celebrity who thinks they're the greatest thing to come down the road since the Model-T.
“Open your mouth just to talk me down. You’re sincere as any neon sign.” - AJ Roach
Why guys ever think they can talk their way out of anything is beyond me. It’s like we are 12 years-old permanently. Caught dead in the act like deer in headlights, we still try to play it off like we were giving CPR or a mammogram. “It wasn’t me. Hey, it wasn’t me.” Anyone who has listened to Eddie Murphy’s Raw knows what I’m talking about. So brilliant and timeless. If anything, in this modern-day, technological society we can get caught more easily. The technology has advanced, men have not. (I should say in self-defense this does not pertain to my situation, but after saying the above, I can see where you might think this is just another excuse) Regardless of the wrong, we still go to great lengths to avoid admittance of said wrong.
“I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” - Radiohead
I’m a creep, you’re a creep, we are all creeps. Face it, for some reason we treat people like crap even when they don’t deserve it. This selfish society we live in. We are stuck on esthetics, superficial looks and popularity. We want to be in control of our environment. Disillusions, yes, but we still strive. Maybe one day we will learn that the environment controls us, not the other way around. Things happen that are out of our control and people get hurt. It is how we handle the hurt that makes us better people and realize that, in reality, we are not creeps.
“So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?” - Placebo
A relationship brings out the extremes of emotions. If we hate then we must love. Without hate, then we are without feelings, including love and affection. Just as long as the latter far out weighs the former. Imagine a relations ship is one big teeter-tooter and that big, husky kid is love. Every once-in-a-while he’s gotta get something to eat, but don’t you worry, he’ll be back to try and launch that little scrawny kid of hate into the sand box 40 feet away.
“Maybe I aught to mention, it was never my intension to harm you our your kin” - David Gray
Seriously, I don’t think guys ever go into a relationship intending to screw someone over, we’re not that clever. In fact, I’m not sure if we ever know truly why we get involved in anything except contests that prove our being men. Maybe that’s the reason for anything we do.
“It’s a small crime, and I have no excuse. Is that alright with you?” - Damien Rice
I think it is our jobs as men to apologies for things we never knew we did, or didn’t, do. Don’t ask me why. Must be a combination of skull thickness, percentage of time distracted by anything else, and lack of any real intelligence. Sure, we can tell you the number, location, and marital status of every attractive girl within a 1000 foot radius of us at all times, but pick up on blatantly obvious signals and messages our significant other is throwing out there right in front of you? Must be genetic. Forgiveness seems to be as simple as an apology in some cases, and as complex as life changes that involve walking on your hands and sleeping under water in others. And it makes it that much more difficult when you are unsure how you have wronged or when. Relationships are complex and guys are not complex beings, kind of like water and oil – they don’t mix too good. But no matter what it takes, if a relationship is to end, must be honest and understand why. Spite is not a good reason, nor is “I need the free time now that pre-season is over”
“Where are we? What the hell is going on? Dust has only begun to form crop circles in the carpet.” - Imogen Heap
So that leaves us on the other side. Things are ok. Another situation faced, forged, and cleared. It will only make the relationship stronger. Perfection is an illusion and more situations will arise. We will learn from our past. With all our faults, we guys really aren’t that bad, are we? So ladies, please bear with us, one day we might surprise you. Just like the ecosystem we will adapt to global warming, if not, we’ll become extinct…like polar bears.
“So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know. Its ok if you don’t know everything.” - Ben Folds
This lyric should be heard by every man, boy, husband, and boyfriend in the world...or any celebrity who thinks they're the greatest thing to come down the road since the Model-T.
“Open your mouth just to talk me down. You’re sincere as any neon sign.” - AJ Roach
Why guys ever think they can talk their way out of anything is beyond me. It’s like we are 12 years-old permanently. Caught dead in the act like deer in headlights, we still try to play it off like we were giving CPR or a mammogram. “It wasn’t me. Hey, it wasn’t me.” Anyone who has listened to Eddie Murphy’s Raw knows what I’m talking about. So brilliant and timeless. If anything, in this modern-day, technological society we can get caught more easily. The technology has advanced, men have not. (I should say in self-defense this does not pertain to my situation, but after saying the above, I can see where you might think this is just another excuse) Regardless of the wrong, we still go to great lengths to avoid admittance of said wrong.
“I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” - Radiohead
I’m a creep, you’re a creep, we are all creeps. Face it, for some reason we treat people like crap even when they don’t deserve it. This selfish society we live in. We are stuck on esthetics, superficial looks and popularity. We want to be in control of our environment. Disillusions, yes, but we still strive. Maybe one day we will learn that the environment controls us, not the other way around. Things happen that are out of our control and people get hurt. It is how we handle the hurt that makes us better people and realize that, in reality, we are not creeps.
“So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?” - Placebo
A relationship brings out the extremes of emotions. If we hate then we must love. Without hate, then we are without feelings, including love and affection. Just as long as the latter far out weighs the former. Imagine a relations ship is one big teeter-tooter and that big, husky kid is love. Every once-in-a-while he’s gotta get something to eat, but don’t you worry, he’ll be back to try and launch that little scrawny kid of hate into the sand box 40 feet away.
“Maybe I aught to mention, it was never my intension to harm you our your kin” - David Gray
Seriously, I don’t think guys ever go into a relationship intending to screw someone over, we’re not that clever. In fact, I’m not sure if we ever know truly why we get involved in anything except contests that prove our being men. Maybe that’s the reason for anything we do.
“It’s a small crime, and I have no excuse. Is that alright with you?” - Damien Rice
I think it is our jobs as men to apologies for things we never knew we did, or didn’t, do. Don’t ask me why. Must be a combination of skull thickness, percentage of time distracted by anything else, and lack of any real intelligence. Sure, we can tell you the number, location, and marital status of every attractive girl within a 1000 foot radius of us at all times, but pick up on blatantly obvious signals and messages our significant other is throwing out there right in front of you? Must be genetic. Forgiveness seems to be as simple as an apology in some cases, and as complex as life changes that involve walking on your hands and sleeping under water in others. And it makes it that much more difficult when you are unsure how you have wronged or when. Relationships are complex and guys are not complex beings, kind of like water and oil – they don’t mix too good. But no matter what it takes, if a relationship is to end, must be honest and understand why. Spite is not a good reason, nor is “I need the free time now that pre-season is over”
“Where are we? What the hell is going on? Dust has only begun to form crop circles in the carpet.” - Imogen Heap
So that leaves us on the other side. Things are ok. Another situation faced, forged, and cleared. It will only make the relationship stronger. Perfection is an illusion and more situations will arise. We will learn from our past. With all our faults, we guys really aren’t that bad, are we? So ladies, please bear with us, one day we might surprise you. Just like the ecosystem we will adapt to global warming, if not, we’ll become extinct…like polar bears.
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