How It's Changed

…And welcome back, I hope you enjoyed that brief commercial smell sensation, didn't that smell delicious? We are happy to be back, beaming directly into your cerebral cortex dnd do we have an exciting uplink for you today. In this segment we are going to delve into the world of ancient technological change. You see, back in homo sapiens sapien period, what they might call the late 20^th century, life was a bit “backwards” for our standards. Imagine a world where you had to use a handheld device to communicate with friends and family?!? And communication with their domesticated pets wasn’t even fathomable for them…haven’t times changed? Now let us examine some of the technology these early humans used in their daily lives…feel free to virtually manipulate these objects to really give you a feel for the clumsiness of their archaic lives. Just don’t do it while transporting as this may cause a fluctuation in your brainwaves resulting in distortion upon re-apparition. We do not want to see any transportation fatalities because of our distractive content. W8 & Concentr8

(cue cheesy 'musac' and warming voice-over)

Here we see one of the devices that “revolutionized” communication…if they only knew, right? They called this a Cellular Telephone, after a previous form, yet similar technology of wired communication. The “Cell Phone” as it became to be known as allowed humans to walk around freely in public whilst continuously communicating directly with an unknown individual on the other end…often times making said individual look like a huge douche-bag to anyone overhearing their very annoying and irrelevant conversations.

Next, let us mentally navigate to this rather large, cubed device, popular amongst these early humans for entertainment and distraction. They called it the “television,” and it operated in a most rudimentary way. The front panel of this cube would emit a patter of colors creating a two-dimensional image of dramatized tele-plays that this “civilization” would then watch for enjoyment. Yes, only two-dimensions! Imagine how much we are amused at only five dimensions, our ten must not have even been found in their futuristic fictional ‘tele-plays’…it is hard to fathom what life must have been like for these depraved souls. Our two-legged ancestors would sit for star-rotations on end, watching semi-humorous, vaguely scripted situational comedies, dramas, or athletic competitions to escape from their mundane, labor intensive sun-rotations.

Now, can you imagine leaving your domicile, and your means of travel is a four-wheeled vehicle that used naturally created, but limited supplied, combustible liquid which propelled gears to create acceleration? If they only knew, right? Maybe hundreds of thousands of these early humans could have lived instead of perishing in the final great war and this, mankind, could have survived the last great technological feat that ultimately lead to their doom…

the “gaming console.” Records show that the first and widely popular gaming device, one that allowed for interchangeable games, was known as the Atari. Later advances found better visual graphics and more comprehensive game play. In addition, any advancement resulted in the increase in average weight, laziness, and academic failure rates which we all know led to the eventual extinction of this once proud race of beings. It truly is an amazement how these gaming consoles, in conjunction with their two-dimensional displaying devices completely engrossed pre-adolescent, adolescent, and ultimately post-adolescent humans in interactive game-play, using such themes as war, auto-racing, mythical warriors, sports, and ironically, futuristic, post-apocalyptic hell-scapes.

How fortunate are we to live in a modern time of collective consciousness, a free existence, and a reality that is devoid of any need of a virtual state. Now be well my fellow siblings and remember to never forget the foibles of our ancestors, least we dare not repeat them.

A Third-Life Crisis

So I like to think that I’m a third through my life, if all goes according to the plan I hope fate has laid out for me (ok, maybe more than a third). I’ve been catching myself having these thoughts about the situations I've been finding myself in lately. Kind of those existential thoughts like: am I really having brunch as a couple with a couple? Are we really considering playing “family feud” - husbands against wives? Am I really having this conversation about how lovely the cheese spread is at this co-worker holiday function?

I feel like I’m sometime living out an episode of Seinfield or How I Met Your Mother. “You guys should come over for dinner, we can even open a bottle of wine and play charades.” “Hey, shmoopie.” “No, you hang up…no you…no you.” I’ve never been accused of, nor have I ever felt that I have acted my age. I physically look younger than my chronological years, and I’m pretty sure you would not accuse me of being overly mature for my age if you spent more than 5 minutes around me. I like to think I just got a late start on life – starting my ‘career a mere 5 years ago, recently married, and purchased a home about a year ago. I’m not complaining mind you, I will never be mistaken for someone who likes to rush into things. But I think I draw the line at stereotypical. My whole life and every essence of my physical being is stereotypical – white, male, middle-class, college-educated (I’m finding that less typical than I once believed), about 6’ tall, average American kid of divorced parents and enjoyed playing sports growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with others…sometimes, you know, hanging out, having a drink, watching a game, or even just a nice conversation. But I just don’t think that I’m “that guy.” You know, the one who is the husband of the friend of a friend that you approach at a wedding/neighbor/holiday party and strikes up a conversation about how do you know so-and-so? What line of work are you in? Hey, we should get together sometime and discuss trying to get you into a new Lexus, then hands you his card – Sales Representative, Toyota/Lexus/Scion Dealer. I guess that’s why I’m not in sales, hey, more power to them.

As I experience this, and many more situations like these to come, I worry that my mind will betray me and I’ll be unable to control my inner-dialog – which typically leaves me fighting off laughter. This might be an early sign of a serious psychological disorder. (deep breath) Serenity now.

Chronology of Music

Over the past 5 years, I can honestly say that much of my musical tastes have not changed. I believe you reach a certain point in your life where it is very difficult to continue to listen to your long time favorites while introducing new artists to your rotation. Every generation of music lovers, I believe, follows a similar path during their musical life spans and for us 30 somethings, it went a little like this:

1. Pre-self-awareness/Elementary School: Welcome youngling! Now that you have left those wonderful nursery rhyme jingles back with your night-light and footy pajamas, it is now time for you to discovery what Mommy and Daddy listen to. Your introduction to main stream pop was what most 40 year-olds spin on turn-tables, classics like: Michael Jackson, Abba, Simon & Garfunkel, the Bee Gees, Dolly Parton, and Alabama.
1. Nowadays, I’m pretty sure kids are introduced to hip-hop, tween pop, country, rap, and metal through some kind of in vitro, bluetooth ear-bud music system.

2. Self-awareness/Middle School: Finally! A boombox in your room, complete with dual tape deck (ideal for making mix-tapes!) and a big ol’ antenna that would get you Casey Kasem’s top 40 with all those chart toppin’ bands like: Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, Phil Collins, Motley Crue, White Snake, Wham!, The Cars, and Men at Work. Timely and poignantly wonderful tunes with all the lyrics a rebellious, prepubescent boy or girl could desire. “We can dance if we want / we can leave your friends behind / ‘cause your friends don’t dance / if they don’t dance / then they’re no friends of mine”
1. Modern-day middle schoolers could make up lyrics that would put 1980’s Madonna to shame

3. Formable Years/High School: Alright, the music that you will listen to for the rest of your life you will first listen to during this age. You will combine the classics with the new rebellion, the anti-establishment of all generations with the anti-establishment of the new generation. “School’s out for summer / school’s out forever” ‘cause “Jeremy spoke in class today” Start collecting those Compact-Discs by picking them up in their long-box displays, ultimately to be trimmed down to just the case. But be careful not to scratch that CD or you’ll be stuck listening to the beginning riff of “Hard to Handle” over and over. Widen your musical (and mental) horizons with artists like: Led Zeppelin, the Stones, the Doors, Metallica, Black Crowes, R.E.M. & U2 (their early shit, not their new crap), Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, SoundGarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains, Guns N’ Roses, Green Day, Counting Crows, and Live. At least if you were a middle to upper-middle class, suburban, white kid. Rage Against the Machine young man, rage!
1. Today’s high schoolers listen to the new anti-establishment, whatever-is-popular-on-youtube / American Idol winners, and/or anything that has a really heavy kick-drum beat. I’m not even sure there are any other instruments.

4. Suggestive Years/College: Here you are, you made it! On your own…well except for the thousands of other 18-22 year olds who are also ‘on their own’. And with them come a wide plethora of musical suggestions. How can you not hear new music when your roommate feels like blasting Bone Thugs-N-Harmony on their stereo at 1 a.m. the night before your big midterm exam! “Meet you at the crossroads”, damn right, when I put you under with my 100lb psych101 textbook. This is a time for sharing…stories, music, uncomfortable conversations in the communal showers. It’s the underlying root of the college experience. It’s when you discovered Biggie, 2-Pac, P.Diddy (sorry, Puff Daddy), ungodly loud club dance music blaring at every frat party on campus. Others you may have been unwillingly exposed to but ended up liking: Phish, No Doubt, O.A.R., Muse, Radiohead, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Vertical Horizon, The Wallflowers, Weezer, Wilco, Coolio, Blues Travelers, Oasis, any jam-band in a big amphitheater.
1. Again, not that much different in the modern era, anything that goes good with pot, drinking, and/or house parties.

5. The Doldrums/Income Years: Well, if you are listening to music during your mid-20s, its probably overly loud background music at some trendy, newly-opened bar that keeps you from hearing the annoying drunk girl talking about how much she hates her job and just wants to find a guy and live at the beach and drink cocktails on weeknights and some other bullshit you can’t hear nor care about. Typically it is the crappy follow-up albums of bands that hit it big with one or two songs on their first album then over-produce their sophomore release in the name of expanding and experimenting with their ‘talents’. I’m looking at you Train/Creed/John Mayer. Fortunately in your quiet times you are discovering artists who appreciate writing good music, the folksy, singer-songwriters. No, not those, you know, the good ones: Norah Jones, Iron & Wine, Patty Griffin, Ryan Adams, David Gray, and Elliott Smith. Which also leads you to the more eclectic bands, like: Cake, Drive-By Trucks, Death Cab, and others. And just like many of your favorite bands that last more than 2 albums, are begin re-invent your musical style and tastes…without giving up your roots of your formative years.
1. The 20-somethings of today continue to follow this pattern, naming many bands I’ve never heard of, surmising the age of “I know music that you don’t know” attitude.

6. Who Cares/Settling Period: Currently you find yourself with less time to listen to music – the job, family, chores, arrands, meetings, meeting about the meetings. However, you look at it, you find yourself wanting to just listen to music you like. Who has time to scour the internet, music stores (the ones that still exist), open-mics, or opening acts for new discoveries? It is about this time that you acknowledge the fact that your musical tastes are static and dated. But who cares? Many of the bands you loved in high school can still rock, and even if they can’t, you’ve got their original works to listen and re-listen to for years to come. Of course, you do come across new stuff…usually on a commercial or TV show (good thing that in the modern era, you get music a la carte). Then, from time to time, you experience new artist just by the shear inundation of praise, exposure, and recommendations. So welcome to the world of: Mumford & Sons, Andrew Bird, Josh Ritter, Matt & Kim, Coldplay, Amy Winehouse, Flo Rida, Adele, The Killers, and Black Eyed Peas.

Now your bands and individual experiences may vary but the patterns should emerge relatively the same. And by no means is this a comprehensive or entirely accurate representation of my own music catalog but do apply to the appropriate time periods. If I am way off base, let me know, and if you have any suggestions for some new music I have to check out, remember, time is limited so it’d better be good or I’m gonna beat your ass.

Hiatus

I’ve been going back through my blog for editing and inspiration to get back to writing. Just like with any historical exploration, I’m finding how much I have changed, and now much I have not. I still employ the same, overused run-on sentences with far too many incorrectly used punctuations and nonsensical conversations style writing. My most recent post still rants on cell phones, communication, and bad reality TV shows. Its like looking back at old photographs and seeing that same long-sleeve t-shirt you are currently wears as you are viewing the photograph (see, nonsensical). Also, apparently, I still use parentheses to make aside comments, but isn’t that there purpose?

Now, what has changed? Well, marriage, house, car, nephews, job, friends, co-workers (not necessarily in that order). I don’t play as many video games. There are new TV shows to disdain, new music to live my life to, new knowledge to draw from, more pop culture to reference, and better technology to love and hate. So, even if it has all been done before, it will at least be different because the times have changed. And, heck, the classics are classic because they are classic.

I’ve been holding back on rewriting some of my old posts, even if 5 years have past and updates might make them more relevant to today, but that’s the beauty of the internet, anything up there can survive forever. Yes, it would help if the post were read at the time of posting and had a better understanding of the references, but that’s what made them timely and topical. So, feel free to go back and read some historical (2007), event driving posts. Some of the humor may be lost but the commentary is still relevant, in my opinion (imo – for you 2012ers) However, if you do plan on clicking through the history of my whimsically spastic rants, I would recommend starting from the beginning to understand my ongoing mental stream of thought.

And yes, I am working my way back through to fix any grammatical errors, actually, they are more like omissions than grammatical errors. Sometimes my brain works faster than I type, or my fingers type without consulting my brain. Maybe that is why my sociology professor at UVa questioned why I was even admitted at all…probably doesn’t help that I never re-read my own shit. I guess that’s why I teach it to my students – don’t make the same mistakes I did (and still do). Let that be a lesson for you all.