Blog surfing, or hopping, or spin the roulette wheel, watch the tiny ball bounce around in a circle to fall on…some random French blog. OK, one more time, place your bets…a 27 year old Chinese web designer. And needless to say, other more non-appropriate web sites have also been encountered. Maybe this blog roulette game isn’t the best way to pass one’s time trying to find good blogs.
Then again, sometimes you come across posts like this:
“I am a gangsta!I am a gangsta!Gansta drink milk.. Yummy.Gansta eat pies.. Yummy.Gansta say he's gangsta.. Yay.bah, ok..I got a new phone!!! WOoHOOOOO!!!!”
Now that is some informative, thought provoking, hard hitting blogging one comes to expect from the blog ‘verse. Honestly, I think a majority of the people who blog nowadays do it for no specific reason whatsoever. Venting, ranting, entertainment, personal statements, keep in touch with friends or make new ones. Some are themed with multiple contributors, some are aimed at specific people. Regardless, blogging is just another form of subversive communication that looks to undermine actual communication. The youth of our generation could presumably live an entire life only knowing and communicating with people online, with little need for real personal interaction. Pretty soon we’ll all just be meeting at virtual bars with our 2-D pictures floating around checking out other 2-D pictures before getting annoyed at the pictures who are dancing on top of the tables screaming the lyrics to some Gwen Stefani song. Oh, and dropping about an $80 tab. Nice. But hey, it will all work out when you save that money on the cab ride home and the 6 pizzas you order when you get there…for yourself because it just sounded like a reallllllyyy good idea. Best ever. You are a genius.
Sorry, back to blogging, and isn’t sort of paradoxical to be blogging about blogging? I should mention the small percentage of blogs that I have found thus far to be fairly entertaining – they’re like social glimpses into lives of people that have nothing to do with your life in any way, none, sort of like watching a reality TV show but with a bit more honesty and a lot less acting. Just in this session of Blog surfing:
http://darling247.blogspot.com/ (a vet with 190+ posts, long posts)
http://jekkababy.blogspot.com/ (aspiring Peace Corp member)
http://marisa-peek.blogspot.com/ (world traveler)
http://thedancingkids.blogspot.com/ (think of the traveling gnome)
But really, just like gambling, that ‘Next Blog>>’ link at the top using blogspot is about as addictive as, well, gambling…only without the fear of losing your entire life’s savings – although you never know in this day and age.
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Lower-left Square
I have this uncanny knack to try and answer questions asked of me as if I were the center square of “Hollywood Squares”….well, maybe more like the lower left square. It is like a bad sitcom with that one guy who’s got the pathetically awful one-liners that doesn’t even make the laugh-track giggle. If a camera was following me around, I doubt my family would even watch. They would use it to torture double-agent, MI-6, double oh, gentlemen spies right after they were told the highly elaborate global take-over plans by an obviously nicknamed villain.
-“Do you expect me to talk?”
-“Noooo, I expect you to die” (evil laugh)
Needless to say, a select few actually find my humor palatable. I’m like a prop comic but all the props are in my head and much of my amusement is lost through written words, or on the public in general.
-“I will take the gentlemen in the lower left corner for the block.”
-“Alright, for the block…72 out of 100 basketball players have said they would like to do this after a dunk?”
-“Take a bite of that coffee-drenched donut” (ha,ha,ah) “Why am I the only one laughing?” “No but seriously, give a teammate a high five.”
-“I disagree.”
-“As you should…it was hang on the rim, you really are a terrible square, sir.”
-“Maybe I should be a circle? Huh? Anyone? Pure comic genius.”
See, let that be an example of what it is like for anyone that is forced to be around me for any period of time. Hilarity ensues, it’s a non-stop 4000 ton comedy train going downhill without any air-breaks (thank you History Channel’s Modern Marvels). And be warned, I have been know to periodically and without notice, jump topics and comic punch lines at the drop of a hat, a hat with a rabbit inside, a killer rabbit that requires the holy hand grenade to subdue. I am the first one to defend randomness as a comic style. Michael Jackson. If you want creative and comic writing, visit the blogger of all bloggers, http://www.dooce.com/. This fiery (pun intended) young women has a unique style and flare for writing, which, if you don’t know the story, got her fired from her job…thus making her a small celebrity within the blogging world. Eventually MS Word is going to add blog into its spell check dictionary. Anyway, if you want visual humor, check out http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/ where animated ending to epic movies tell us what we all thought should have happened. Stupid Empire. Alright, these sites should make up for the lack of laughter found in this post, maybe balance out my laughs per joke ratio. I’ll take Whoopi in the center square for the win.
-“Do you expect me to talk?”
-“Noooo, I expect you to die” (evil laugh)
Needless to say, a select few actually find my humor palatable. I’m like a prop comic but all the props are in my head and much of my amusement is lost through written words, or on the public in general.
-“I will take the gentlemen in the lower left corner for the block.”
-“Alright, for the block…72 out of 100 basketball players have said they would like to do this after a dunk?”
-“Take a bite of that coffee-drenched donut” (ha,ha,ah) “Why am I the only one laughing?” “No but seriously, give a teammate a high five.”
-“I disagree.”
-“As you should…it was hang on the rim, you really are a terrible square, sir.”
-“Maybe I should be a circle? Huh? Anyone? Pure comic genius.”
See, let that be an example of what it is like for anyone that is forced to be around me for any period of time. Hilarity ensues, it’s a non-stop 4000 ton comedy train going downhill without any air-breaks (thank you History Channel’s Modern Marvels). And be warned, I have been know to periodically and without notice, jump topics and comic punch lines at the drop of a hat, a hat with a rabbit inside, a killer rabbit that requires the holy hand grenade to subdue. I am the first one to defend randomness as a comic style. Michael Jackson. If you want creative and comic writing, visit the blogger of all bloggers, http://www.dooce.com/. This fiery (pun intended) young women has a unique style and flare for writing, which, if you don’t know the story, got her fired from her job…thus making her a small celebrity within the blogging world. Eventually MS Word is going to add blog into its spell check dictionary. Anyway, if you want visual humor, check out http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/ where animated ending to epic movies tell us what we all thought should have happened. Stupid Empire. Alright, these sites should make up for the lack of laughter found in this post, maybe balance out my laughs per joke ratio. I’ll take Whoopi in the center square for the win.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Procrastination
Procrastination….
I have been procrastinating writing on procrastination, seriously. I guess I’ve just found other topics to write on that I find more worthy of my time. But I have put it off for too long now…now that I have other things that I would rather not be doing. So why do I procrastinate? Why does anyone procrastinate? Well, those are good questions that I just don’t have the answers to. Hey – I’m never said I knew everything! See, even now I am thinking about writing (and probably will) a blog on Windows Vista/Microsoft. What is my problem? Ugg. Well, I am sure I am not alone. Procrastination loves company…it helps it procrastinate more.
In my case, I believe it really is a lack of motivation…maybe genetics…but I do know that fear is my biggest motivation. Not fear like in the horror movie type of fear…more of a fear of failure or letting someone down. This is why I am so much more productive when I am given instructions/parameters and deadlines, and more so if it is for someone other than myself.
And now that it is almost quitting time, I am back blogging…at least until it actually is time to leave - then I will finish this tomorrow...maybe. And what are the best ways to procrastinate you ask? Well, as mentioned before, the most popular way in America has to be watching TV, or movies. More modern distractions like youtube.com, classic gaming sites like everyvideogame.com, and …and I have been procrastinating this blog now for 5 days, its now Tuesday, stay tuned for further updates…
Well it is now Monday…two weeks later. Needless to say I have been procrastinating the procrastinating. Things have been busy here and contrary to popular belief, I actually feel that work should be done prior to their deadlines. Like I said, give me a deadline that I have to reach and I will get things done. Problem with that approach: poor work. I like to think that the work that I do is fairly decent, especially for something done at the last minute. And for the most part it is. What bites me in the behind is work that really needs more time than “the day before”. I’m pretty sure that whoever created this Universe back in the day was like, “oh crap, I have this project due for science class tomorrow, maybe I should start working on that.” Then go play some X-Box for about six hours, come back, take a bunch of matter and then spin it like a toy top, then ended up getting a C- on their project, put it in the back of the closest and forgot about it. (Let’s hope that day for spring cleaning doesn’t come around too soon)
The Universe being the Universe, I’m pretty sure that person didn’t procrastinate on their science project. Let that be a lesson to you dear readers. And I will bet our universal science guru also checked over their work before turning in that science project. Missed those black holes though but that’s much better than the few thousand typos I’ve made just in a measly 14 posts. If you want a laugh, you should have read them before I had my “editor” point out my mistakes, or you should go back through my old e-mails…or papers! It’s a wonder I ever graduated from middle school let alone an academic institution of higher learning! (The jury’s still out on the graduate degree, I’ll keep you posted).
And let me tell you, procrastination is a bad habit to fall into. Its like falling into that vat of liquid hot magma that finally did in the T-1000 from Terminator 2. Liquid Nitrogen? nope. Rocket propelled grenade? nope. Fist through the head from Arnold Schwarzenegger? please, the guy can change from liquid to solid steel at will, of course the only thing that will kill him is lava-hot smelting vat full of liquefied metal.
So the lesson learned here? To get through life one must not procrastinate, be malleable, have the ability to become tough as steel, avoid Arnold Schwarzenegger and excessively hot, liquid filled drums.
I have been procrastinating writing on procrastination, seriously. I guess I’ve just found other topics to write on that I find more worthy of my time. But I have put it off for too long now…now that I have other things that I would rather not be doing. So why do I procrastinate? Why does anyone procrastinate? Well, those are good questions that I just don’t have the answers to. Hey – I’m never said I knew everything! See, even now I am thinking about writing (and probably will) a blog on Windows Vista/Microsoft. What is my problem? Ugg. Well, I am sure I am not alone. Procrastination loves company…it helps it procrastinate more.
In my case, I believe it really is a lack of motivation…maybe genetics…but I do know that fear is my biggest motivation. Not fear like in the horror movie type of fear…more of a fear of failure or letting someone down. This is why I am so much more productive when I am given instructions/parameters and deadlines, and more so if it is for someone other than myself.
And now that it is almost quitting time, I am back blogging…at least until it actually is time to leave - then I will finish this tomorrow...maybe. And what are the best ways to procrastinate you ask? Well, as mentioned before, the most popular way in America has to be watching TV, or movies. More modern distractions like youtube.com, classic gaming sites like everyvideogame.com, and …and I have been procrastinating this blog now for 5 days, its now Tuesday, stay tuned for further updates…
Well it is now Monday…two weeks later. Needless to say I have been procrastinating the procrastinating. Things have been busy here and contrary to popular belief, I actually feel that work should be done prior to their deadlines. Like I said, give me a deadline that I have to reach and I will get things done. Problem with that approach: poor work. I like to think that the work that I do is fairly decent, especially for something done at the last minute. And for the most part it is. What bites me in the behind is work that really needs more time than “the day before”. I’m pretty sure that whoever created this Universe back in the day was like, “oh crap, I have this project due for science class tomorrow, maybe I should start working on that.” Then go play some X-Box for about six hours, come back, take a bunch of matter and then spin it like a toy top, then ended up getting a C- on their project, put it in the back of the closest and forgot about it. (Let’s hope that day for spring cleaning doesn’t come around too soon)
The Universe being the Universe, I’m pretty sure that person didn’t procrastinate on their science project. Let that be a lesson to you dear readers. And I will bet our universal science guru also checked over their work before turning in that science project. Missed those black holes though but that’s much better than the few thousand typos I’ve made just in a measly 14 posts. If you want a laugh, you should have read them before I had my “editor” point out my mistakes, or you should go back through my old e-mails…or papers! It’s a wonder I ever graduated from middle school let alone an academic institution of higher learning! (The jury’s still out on the graduate degree, I’ll keep you posted).
And let me tell you, procrastination is a bad habit to fall into. Its like falling into that vat of liquid hot magma that finally did in the T-1000 from Terminator 2. Liquid Nitrogen? nope. Rocket propelled grenade? nope. Fist through the head from Arnold Schwarzenegger? please, the guy can change from liquid to solid steel at will, of course the only thing that will kill him is lava-hot smelting vat full of liquefied metal.
So the lesson learned here? To get through life one must not procrastinate, be malleable, have the ability to become tough as steel, avoid Arnold Schwarzenegger and excessively hot, liquid filled drums.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Monday
Monday. The day when it all comes crashing down like shattering dishes. Hints of the weekend still lingering strongly in the brain only to be squelched violently, like a slap in the face, and the reminders of why most of us dislike our daily occupations: The Necessary Evil. Imagine your face being ripped off…slowly. Wait, don’t imagine that, that’s not a very pleasant thought now is it. No, no, not at all.
So I am here to turn the frown upside down…not really, you can do whatever you want, but if you are looking for something to do to beat back those Monday blues…or as it was so poetically referred to in the greatest occupation related movie ever, “a case of the Mondays.” I am far from being an optimist; I like to consider myself an optimist for everyone else. So, occasionally on these days we call Mondays, I’m going to find something humorous. A news report, a video clip, a website, a funny observation, and present them to you if you need to paint those blues yellow…then that would give you some kind of green day, not the band, maybe that’s where they got the name though.
For my inaugural prescription against the “Case of the Mondays,” I will fill your heart with two adrenaline needles of humor. First some optimism: So I hear that this planet is getting warmer, ice is melting, oceans are rising, skin cancer abundant. My first optimistic spin on this is brought to you by a comment I overheard recently…”well, the oceans aren’t going to rise because all that ice is displacing the water already.” Um…I’m not even going to try to explain the rationale behind that one, but hey, the oceans won’t rise as much right? Continuing – so it is well documented that people become more depressed during the cold, winter months. Well, with the globe warming there will be less depressed individuals enjoying those 70 degree Floridian days in North Dakota. Spontaneous combustion during the summer months? Resolved easily by constructing air conditioned walking tubes. Now, as for cities like New York, Washington, LA, San Diego, Norfolk, Miami, Charleston, Boston, Seattle, San Francisco being under water? Look at Venice and Amsterdam…they seem to manage. What’s that? New Orleans? If they were prepared, I’m sure they would have had a big ol’ Marti Gras, so instead of rollin’ around in tricked out SUVs, the urban elites will be cruising in actual cruise ships. Minnesota Vikings’ party ship…that was just a precursor to what fun can be had in Time Square or the Former South Beach.
My next dose of humor will navigate you to a video blog site honoring our most sacred of warriors…the ninja. http://askaninja.com/ contains all you ever wanted to know about how a ninja lives his life, how he conducts his daily rituals, and answers questions such as: What to get a ninja as a gift, ninja award shows (The Bloody’s), and can ninja fall in love. If a ninja can fall in love then so can us non-ninjas, yes, that means you too. So navigate your way to the plethora of advice from the ninja guru (culture clash phrase) found at ask-a-ninja, and let those hands of fury chop away the cement blocks of Monday blues. If you aren’t feeling better by tomorrow after this scribbled prescription then seek professional help.
So I am here to turn the frown upside down…not really, you can do whatever you want, but if you are looking for something to do to beat back those Monday blues…or as it was so poetically referred to in the greatest occupation related movie ever, “a case of the Mondays.” I am far from being an optimist; I like to consider myself an optimist for everyone else. So, occasionally on these days we call Mondays, I’m going to find something humorous. A news report, a video clip, a website, a funny observation, and present them to you if you need to paint those blues yellow…then that would give you some kind of green day, not the band, maybe that’s where they got the name though.
For my inaugural prescription against the “Case of the Mondays,” I will fill your heart with two adrenaline needles of humor. First some optimism: So I hear that this planet is getting warmer, ice is melting, oceans are rising, skin cancer abundant. My first optimistic spin on this is brought to you by a comment I overheard recently…”well, the oceans aren’t going to rise because all that ice is displacing the water already.” Um…I’m not even going to try to explain the rationale behind that one, but hey, the oceans won’t rise as much right? Continuing – so it is well documented that people become more depressed during the cold, winter months. Well, with the globe warming there will be less depressed individuals enjoying those 70 degree Floridian days in North Dakota. Spontaneous combustion during the summer months? Resolved easily by constructing air conditioned walking tubes. Now, as for cities like New York, Washington, LA, San Diego, Norfolk, Miami, Charleston, Boston, Seattle, San Francisco being under water? Look at Venice and Amsterdam…they seem to manage. What’s that? New Orleans? If they were prepared, I’m sure they would have had a big ol’ Marti Gras, so instead of rollin’ around in tricked out SUVs, the urban elites will be cruising in actual cruise ships. Minnesota Vikings’ party ship…that was just a precursor to what fun can be had in Time Square or the Former South Beach.
My next dose of humor will navigate you to a video blog site honoring our most sacred of warriors…the ninja. http://askaninja.com/ contains all you ever wanted to know about how a ninja lives his life, how he conducts his daily rituals, and answers questions such as: What to get a ninja as a gift, ninja award shows (The Bloody’s), and can ninja fall in love. If a ninja can fall in love then so can us non-ninjas, yes, that means you too. So navigate your way to the plethora of advice from the ninja guru (culture clash phrase) found at ask-a-ninja, and let those hands of fury chop away the cement blocks of Monday blues. If you aren’t feeling better by tomorrow after this scribbled prescription then seek professional help.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Bore-dumb
Boredom.
It recently occurred to me one reason why I do this thing that I do: boredom. I find myself going stir-crazy after 2 minutes of non-stimulation. I need sensory overload. I need flashing lights in all the colors of the world changing at the speed of…well, light. I need noises so abundant that my entire body vibrates with the voracity of a jet fighter flying at mach 2. I need my eyes spinning, jittering, bouncing 80 times a second that one day I will have to bob my head up and down like a bird just to see straight. Surround sound…how about surround vision? When’s that SV-TV going to be available to the consumer market? Imagine your TV viewing as if it were in an iMax theater…only with better quality and shows designed for that TV. They could incorporate the audience into the show…now that is interactive television.
What has fueled this onset of boredom in modern society? Efficiency, technology, sugar coated sugar dough? Mmm, donuts. Just take what we can do today in a fraction of the time it use to take the pre-computer age world:
-Filing taxes: No more writing onto forms, calculated dependents and deductions, rifling through receipts to see if you can write off the “spa treatment” you got on the business trip to Vegas.
-Video games: No more of that wasteful reading the rules for strat-o-matic baseball simulator (seriously? people still do this?), Risk, or Monopoly. Forget the wrist wrenching pain of dice rolling (you know, those little cube shaped things with dots signifying the numbers 1-6 on them? They’re still going with the dots aren’t they? These number things have been around for a while you know). Now we can use a controller to step up to the plate with our favorite steroid laden All-star and smack homers out of the authentic - computer generated - baseball stadiums. Who would have thought those days of Combat Games, Pitfall, or Baseball for the Atari 2600 would evolve into the sensory stimulating, virtual reality game-fest of today? Those old ‘board’ games could last for hours, now you can play 18 different video games in the same amount of time!
-Applying for…: Anything. Apply for school, apply for competitions, apply for authorization to buy supplies in mass quantities, “apply online now for your new low rate credit card”, no need to wait for that pesky post office mail to begin racking up massive debt.
-Break up: Uncomfortable with that time consuming and awkward “its not you, its me” speech every time you want to break up with that significant other? Well now do it online! E-mail, hire someone to do it for you, put in a classified add, post on your significant other’s website, IM the “Dear John” and consider yourself free and clear.
-Get your news: Wait for the morning paper? Why wait to read about that crazy Astronaut’s drive from Houston to Orlando? Get your info online, watch the pundits, talking heads, and her high school acquaintances psychoanalyze the situation from the comfort of your work desk. Although crazy Astronaut lady probably could have taken care of this all online, without having to drive non-stop along I-10 in diapers to meet the other woman at the airport….the AIRPORT, really? That one place in Orlando where the security personnel don’t look like Mickey Mouse and are probably more abundant than at the Magic Kingdom?
Just to name a few.
With all these technological advances, one wonders what did citizens in the pre-20th Century do in times of sheer, utter boredom. Sleep? Probably. Who has time for boredom when 18 hours of the day you are tilling the fields, pulling the weeds, harvesting the crops, grazing the livestock? Even when they got bored they didn’t do it right…next thing you know all the sheep are being attacked by a wolf and no one believes you.
So if you are still reading this, then that means you are really bored and I have done my part to help you through that. Now go find something productive to do…or find some other way to stimulate you senses with flashing colors, loud noises, and hair raising adrenaline. Then let me know what it is so I can beat back the boredom and monotony of work and everyday-ness.
It recently occurred to me one reason why I do this thing that I do: boredom. I find myself going stir-crazy after 2 minutes of non-stimulation. I need sensory overload. I need flashing lights in all the colors of the world changing at the speed of…well, light. I need noises so abundant that my entire body vibrates with the voracity of a jet fighter flying at mach 2. I need my eyes spinning, jittering, bouncing 80 times a second that one day I will have to bob my head up and down like a bird just to see straight. Surround sound…how about surround vision? When’s that SV-TV going to be available to the consumer market? Imagine your TV viewing as if it were in an iMax theater…only with better quality and shows designed for that TV. They could incorporate the audience into the show…now that is interactive television.
What has fueled this onset of boredom in modern society? Efficiency, technology, sugar coated sugar dough? Mmm, donuts. Just take what we can do today in a fraction of the time it use to take the pre-computer age world:
-Filing taxes: No more writing onto forms, calculated dependents and deductions, rifling through receipts to see if you can write off the “spa treatment” you got on the business trip to Vegas.
-Video games: No more of that wasteful reading the rules for strat-o-matic baseball simulator (seriously? people still do this?), Risk, or Monopoly. Forget the wrist wrenching pain of dice rolling (you know, those little cube shaped things with dots signifying the numbers 1-6 on them? They’re still going with the dots aren’t they? These number things have been around for a while you know). Now we can use a controller to step up to the plate with our favorite steroid laden All-star and smack homers out of the authentic - computer generated - baseball stadiums. Who would have thought those days of Combat Games, Pitfall, or Baseball for the Atari 2600 would evolve into the sensory stimulating, virtual reality game-fest of today? Those old ‘board’ games could last for hours, now you can play 18 different video games in the same amount of time!
-Applying for…: Anything. Apply for school, apply for competitions, apply for authorization to buy supplies in mass quantities, “apply online now for your new low rate credit card”, no need to wait for that pesky post office mail to begin racking up massive debt.
-Break up: Uncomfortable with that time consuming and awkward “its not you, its me” speech every time you want to break up with that significant other? Well now do it online! E-mail, hire someone to do it for you, put in a classified add, post on your significant other’s website, IM the “Dear John” and consider yourself free and clear.
-Get your news: Wait for the morning paper? Why wait to read about that crazy Astronaut’s drive from Houston to Orlando? Get your info online, watch the pundits, talking heads, and her high school acquaintances psychoanalyze the situation from the comfort of your work desk. Although crazy Astronaut lady probably could have taken care of this all online, without having to drive non-stop along I-10 in diapers to meet the other woman at the airport….the AIRPORT, really? That one place in Orlando where the security personnel don’t look like Mickey Mouse and are probably more abundant than at the Magic Kingdom?
Just to name a few.
With all these technological advances, one wonders what did citizens in the pre-20th Century do in times of sheer, utter boredom. Sleep? Probably. Who has time for boredom when 18 hours of the day you are tilling the fields, pulling the weeds, harvesting the crops, grazing the livestock? Even when they got bored they didn’t do it right…next thing you know all the sheep are being attacked by a wolf and no one believes you.
So if you are still reading this, then that means you are really bored and I have done my part to help you through that. Now go find something productive to do…or find some other way to stimulate you senses with flashing colors, loud noises, and hair raising adrenaline. Then let me know what it is so I can beat back the boredom and monotony of work and everyday-ness.
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