Comment-ary

(the following is a blog about why I don’t blog about myself. All of these commenters are factious, and any resemblance to actually people is merely coincidental, enjoy!)

“Hey, Rick D., long time reader, first time commenter. I see you do not write about yourself very much. What’s up with that?” – Nosey in New Brunswick

Haha, well, Nosey, first, thank you for your comments, and to answer you question, one I might add that I’m sure are on many of the readers’ minds, is that I don’t think many of you would find my life all that much interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life - A very loving and beautiful wife, a quaint house in a nice neighborhood, away from the noise but close enough to the see to not be considered the suburbs. But, honestly, who really wants to read about that? But if you are interested, let me know.

“I see from your blogs that you are an average, middle-age, white guy who teaches high school history and watches a lot of TV. What makes you so special and knowledgeable to rant on anything?” – condescending in Caroline

Nice deduction, condescending, you are spot on. If you go back through my blogs, I actually reveal a lot about myself: I don’t plan ahead, I write as I think, I can be witty but lack refinement, I use a lot of self-deprecating humor, I rarely revise mistakes because I do not re-read my writings, I’m not an English major but pretend to be, and know a little about a lot of things but not a lot about a few things.

“Sundreched, first time reader, long time commenter. I find it very difficult to follow your posts so I just don’t read them. Why are you even doing this?” – annoyed in Alexandria

Oh boy, tough crowded out there today, are you annoyed because of the traffic up there, or what? Well, I do this more for my own enjoyment, really. I have no pretense that anyone actually reads this thing, even you guys, my devote commenters, mainly because I made you up and since no one actually comments I never actually know if anyone does read this (shameless plea). I find this medium to be a good outlet for rants, ideas, and removing the mental garbage that piles up in my head during those momentary periods of silence over the course of a day. I’ve never been one to keep a journal and in times of going back and reading my own posts, it is more like reading someone else’s thoughts, because I rarely remember thinking of them the first time around. And lastly, I think it’s a good primary source of my own thoughts and a reflection of the things happening at that time…which sometimes makes it difficult to get some of the references in old posts, but whatever.

“Your writing does not follow a singular train of thought; do you have A.D.D or something?” – random in Roanoke

Yes. Wait, what were we talking about? So, yeah, if you don’t have A.D.D. and want to know the mental processes that occur with in the mind of someone who has been clinically diagnosed with A.D.D (I will never be mistaken for someone who is hyperactive so just leave the ‘H’ at the door), then feel free to peruse some of my earlier posts, or just sit through one of my classes…good thing most of my students don’t pay attention or they would be completely lost listening to me. I tend to go on tangents…I did enjoy math in high school, that could explain my appeal for problem solving and geometry, things like tangents and hypotenuses. I am must more of a spatial learner than auditory. Wait, what was I talking about? One of my co-workers actually recommended that I take a drug to help me out with that. ‘nough said.

“Are you like this in real life?” – admirer from Albemarle

Why yes, yes I am, only less articulate, and less wordy, and less vocal, and less forthcoming with my thoughts. So no, no I am not. The ability (and you might find this hard to believe) to contemplate your thoughts prior to expressing them is a big bonus for me. I’m witty, but not quick of tongue. I’m like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, give me some time and I’ll e-mail you a witty retort (but not nearly as smart, but maybe just as equally socially awkward). In a group, I probably talk the least (my students would find this hard to believe). I might even say things inappropriate for the level of acquaintance (see ‘Acquaintances’ post). But, all-in-all, I’m just as random and observant, and randomly observant as my posts.

Thank you for joining us today on “The Readers Write”, join us next time when we’ll have dead silence so I’ll just make up more imaginary readers, just like my childhood when I had the best imaginary backyard basketball team. Good night!

A Third-Life Crisis

So I like to think that I’m a third through my life, if all goes according to the plan I hope fate has laid out for me (ok, maybe more than a third). I’ve been catching myself having these thoughts about the situations I've been finding myself in lately. Kind of those existential thoughts like: am I really having brunch as a couple with a couple? Are we really considering playing “family feud” - husbands against wives? Am I really having this conversation about how lovely the cheese spread is at this co-worker holiday function?

I feel like I’m sometime living out an episode of Seinfield or How I Met Your Mother. “You guys should come over for dinner, we can even open a bottle of wine and play charades.” “Hey, shmoopie.” “No, you hang up…no you…no you.” I’ve never been accused of, nor have I ever felt that I have acted my age. I physically look younger than my chronological years, and I’m pretty sure you would not accuse me of being overly mature for my age if you spent more than 5 minutes around me. I like to think I just got a late start on life – starting my ‘career a mere 5 years ago, recently married, and purchased a home about a year ago. I’m not complaining mind you, I will never be mistaken for someone who likes to rush into things. But I think I draw the line at stereotypical. My whole life and every essence of my physical being is stereotypical – white, male, middle-class, college-educated (I’m finding that less typical than I once believed), about 6’ tall, average American kid of divorced parents and enjoyed playing sports growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with others…sometimes, you know, hanging out, having a drink, watching a game, or even just a nice conversation. But I just don’t think that I’m “that guy.” You know, the one who is the husband of the friend of a friend that you approach at a wedding/neighbor/holiday party and strikes up a conversation about how do you know so-and-so? What line of work are you in? Hey, we should get together sometime and discuss trying to get you into a new Lexus, then hands you his card – Sales Representative, Toyota/Lexus/Scion Dealer. I guess that’s why I’m not in sales, hey, more power to them.

As I experience this, and many more situations like these to come, I worry that my mind will betray me and I’ll be unable to control my inner-dialog – which typically leaves me fighting off laughter. This might be an early sign of a serious psychological disorder. (deep breath) Serenity now.

Balancing Act

As we all know, all things in life can be referenced to a Seinfeld, Simpsons, Arrested Development, or Friends episode. Trust me, give it a try. Haven’t we all wanted to be a mascot for a minor league baseball team? Gone out with that girl with man hands? Joined an alliance of Magicians? Been infatuated with a girl then meet someone else only to find out the girl you were infatuated with is now infatuated with you which causes you to get your second divorce only to date for a little while, break up, then get back together when you are like 45 years old and still living in a two bedroom apartment with the same people you did 12 years ago? Yeah, same here. Its like they were broadcasting our lives into our homes every Thursday night. Which is weird because they never showed them watching TV with a show about a group of Friends.

So we come to the concept of balance. As some of you may recall the Seinfeld episode where everything seems to balance out for Jerry, it couldn’t be more true to life. To put it in economic terms, in the long run we always return to the equilibrium. This could also explain the return of the denim outfit and square sunglasses, maybe that’s just the equilibrium of American fashion. That’s a frightening thought. What goes around, comes around, cyclical. Moving wave-like though, and I am sure there is some kind of calculus formula for the area under a sine wave that explains it all, but I wasn’t the best student in that subject. I was pretty good at trig and geometry…must be the world of balances balancing out my math skills.

“If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker and you were walking down the sidewalk and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable” – Mitch Hedberg

Balance is important. Yin and Yang. Good and evil. Right and wrong. Day and Night. Neo and Agent Smith. One cannot exist without the other and too much of one will kill you. Too much of anything is bad for you…water = drown, sun = dehydration, alcohol = alcohol poisoning, The Brady Bunch = an overwhelming feeling Marsha is always stealing your thunder that leads to a mental break down and intervention by Peter who seems to be the only person who noticed, at which point Alice comes in and discovers the dog is missing and blames you for not being responsible. It never pays to be jealous. Oh, right, or too much of one thing.

So as you can see, balance is a good thing to have in life. Financial, emotional, love, communication. It keeps us from spinning off into the universe or being swallowed into a deep, dark hole – which you find to be really big worm with teeth that just happens to be using your asteroid hideaway as a den (you can never have too many Star Wars references, oh wait, that contradictory to my whole point, so I guess you can). And when the down times come, and they do, remember things will get better, things balance, times will return to the equilibrium and beyond. Try to see the best of a situation and it won’t make the bad times seem so bad and soon you will be back to your old, wonderful self. I think this pertains to so many of you that this is intended for no one in particular. Maybe I am writing this to myself, who knows.

Balance is found everywhere in nature. Tides, seasons, earthquakes, air pressure, lightning…they are all looking for equilibrium. Balance wins championships in the sports world. Balance keeps you from falling off exercise apparatuses, taking a nice gash out of your shin that requires 12 stitches, while you were playing around at your sister’s middle school track meet. I wish I had better balance.

Welcome!

So since only 2 people knew about this prior to my sending out that mass e-mail, I would like to welcome those who may be coming here for the first time. Below are a collection of entries that come out of recent and long term observances, daily acts of humor and social commentary. I would highly recommend reading from the bottom up, as the oldest entries are at the end of the page, more recent on top. Simple right? Certain words are hyperlinked but you are by no means required to navigate away from this page, I have never really been a fan of people who do that but you have to just to understand the rest of the article/blog/whatever. Looking at my blog I have the sudden sense that I don’t have enough on it…and currently no posts pending, or even an idea in the works, which has me concerned…hmm. Well, I’ll think of something to yammer on about, probably tonight when I’m half asleep and my brain lets in all those thoughts I’ve been spending all day trying to block out. Ok, that sounded creepy.

Also, if you are like me and get easily distracted or become uninterested in reading, I hope to have nice colorful videos and pictures in the future. So enjoy, bookmark, check back periodically if you are bored, post replies if you so desire...and most importantly, I hope life is treating you well! Without further ado…

Introduction

Well, here it is, my first blog. I’ve never been a big fan of blogs, never really understood the purpose but maybe by doing one, but I’ll figure that all out, or better yet, we can figure it out together. I am writing this as if people are actually going to be reading it. Talk about delusional, but hey, that’s just how I operate…

I should begin with a little history…well first, I am a big fan of history. I love to know where things have come from, where they’ve been, how they got there. And I mean everything, old buildings, people, a bolt, a Popsicle stick, this chair I’m sitting in. Where was it made? Who made it? Who’s sat in it? How many farts have passed through its mesh lining? Knowing the history of something or someone gives us a better understanding on who or what it is.

And I will begin with what I know the most history about….me. My name is Rick, short for Richard, like the king, but I am far from kingly. I grew-up and currently live in the history rich state, sorry, Commonwealth of Virginia, named after the first Queen Elizabeth. I think it is always good to know where someone is writing because of my one, all-encompassing and ever-present belief that everything thing is relative. What I experience in Virginia is vastly different then, say, what someone else experiences in “Northern” Virginia (NoVa as it is referred to around here) I swear those people want it to be a separate state, sorry, Commonwealth. Maybe we’ll have another Civil War around here, because that just what this state, sorry, Commonwealth, needs, another damn civil war to languish in for another 150 years. As you can tell by now…I tend to go off on tangents, bare with me, maybe this medium, and modern word processing technology, will help me fix that problem. Now where was I? Relative-ness, or something, so even what I experience in this very cubicle is a variation of what my co-workers experience in their cubicles. I think you get the point. Which brings me back to the very point of writing a blog. If everything is relative then I am certainly not here to try to tell you what you are thinking right now is wrong (unless it is somehow related to me being a bumbling fool) and I’m not here to influence opinion or political beliefs. I guess it all comes down to the basic concept of education. The more we are exposed to the relative beliefs and views of individuals, the more we can understand the world around us…or something like that. And besides, what else do I have to do? Its either this, work, or school work. Which brings me to factoid number, whatever, I am a career academic…which basically just means I don’t know what I want to do with my life so I’ll just waste a whole lot of money listening to really boring people talk about stuff I’m too lazy to read about. Actually the goal is to be one of those type people someday…maybe to a lesser “degree” (oh I am so witty). I did briefly spend time in the “real” world but didn’t like it, so I’m back in my delusional reality.

And a comment on the blog’s name: All credit must go to Joshua Radin and his hauntingly beautiful song of the same name. In reality, my reality, its just a cool name, and on a figurative level, and I’m sure its “trippy” on some altered reality plain, it is like exposing the world to you through my sunlight. Yeah, I don’t know what that means either, maybe one of you can explain it to me.

I will be covering a lot of topics with thoughts and ideas that have been bouncing aimlessly in this head of mine, that have had no outlet except in verbal rants to my friends and family, so thank you world of blogs, and my family and friends thanks you as well, for giving me this opportunity to write, vent, expound, capitulate, to absolutely no one. So I am new to all of this, forgive me if this all comes out like a bubbling idiot, which isn’t really that far from the truth, hopefully together we can figure what all this is about.