I admit it - I love blockbuster, high-priced, world-ending, summer movies. Anything that has cars flipping, sabers clashing, and fire – lots and lots of fire – accompanied with LOUD NOISES. Jerry Bruckheimer/Michael Mann must be taking cues from my head. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional documentary about penguins or global warming, or dramadies involving comedians branching out (Little Miss Sunshine, Stranger than Fiction), or foreign film (Amelie, Downfall, Joyeux Noel), but for pure entertainment value, I have to go with meteors falling from space and ending life as we know it, or alien invasions, or dinosaur DNA from mosquitoes, or bad remakes (a glaring eye your way King Kong). What they really need to do is to make a film that follows all those movies after the devastation because for some reason at the end of all those movies, everyone is happy - cheerful orchestra music is playing, fireworks, and inspiring speeches – but seriously, like half the world’s population is gone, Paris: whipped out, DC: in ruins, New Orleans: under water (oh, wait, that wasn’t a movie and there was no happy ending), do you think those aliens did have reserves they could call up, put into service for 4 or 5 tours of duty? Come on, that’s just good military tactics – keep sending troops until the people you are trying to conquer give up, pack there bags and say, “oh well.” Those movies never end like that so I’m sure that what the follow up would show would be the aliens or robots coming down after the entire planet has been devastated by city destroying weapons or meteor impact created natural disasters and enslaving the remaining resistance. But no one wants to see that movie. Speaking of which, on to the rant for this post…sequels - more specifically - trilogy sequels.
In most cases sequels are alright, some are even better than the original (I’m looking at you Spidey). But in certain situations, a sequel becomes a trilogy and bad things happen, very bad things. I speak of this because over the weekend I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Don’t get me wrong, for entertaining, mindless entertainment, it was pretty decent, similar to its predecessor, Dead Man’s Chest. But I discovered a disturbing trend of trilogies of this kind. First, Keira Knightly can’t act, and second, when a movie is aware of its on popularity it will implode on itself. Let us take a look at the trends established in history that followed similar paths, at least the ones that I can recall. Now, not all trilogies are the same, in this particular scenario, they are trilogies that released the first act as a singular, successful, and complete debut. Upon large buzz and/or box office returns, the executives choose to “capitalize” on the profit making juggernauts. This in turn drives said executives to make 2 sequels at the same time, with the middle installment ending without resolution, or “to be continues…” I am sure some kind mind for you already:
The Matrix – A mind bending, techno thriller about humans being batteries for self-aware machines. OK, so maybe a slight rip off of Terminator but the debut entered with little notice but the story and special effects got word of mouth motoring faster than a Rosie/Hasselbeck feud. Warner Bros. hit gold, a friend of mine got a job, temporarily, and Keanu Reeves got respect, temporarily. References made in the original, such as Zion and the machine city, left openings for future follow-up sequels, along with the superman-phone booth-fly-away-I’m-gonna-get-you-sucka ultimatum ending, but the movie alone was nothing that had ever been experienced before by a mass audience and hard pressed to be matched. Revelations and Revolutions had its moments, I particularly like the transparent twins, but the multi-Smith, yin-yang profit seeing type philosophical ending was convoluted and confusing. Plus style was lost, The Matrix incorporated metallic, green tint, and filters for inside the matrix scenes with vast contrast for ‘real world’ shots. The blend of technology and live action was much more seamless and somehow more believable. The subsequent reincarnations are, as my dear friend puts it, more like video games. Maybe that was the target audience.
Back to the Future – I know comical/sci-fi/timetravel movies should not apply to our critique but this was the first trilogy I can remember actually seeing in the movie theaters and being aghast and dumbfounded at the end of the second film while staring blankly at “To Be Continue…” then to be offered, as if consolation, scenes from the forthcoming, old-west themed “Part III”. Again, the original BTTF brought a unique perspective on the time-tested time travel theme. Blending humor and action, avoiding overly technical time travel explanations, and 50’s era music, BTTF provided family entertainment. The flying Delorean practically had the fans screaming for more. In my opinion, BTTF II actually succeeded as a movie. It expanded the time travel elements to past and future, alternate futures, adding interaction with the first movie scenes, all the while maintaining the humor it was known for. The third installment may have been enjoyed by old-west buffs but I even doubt that. A love story for Doc? Please. A flying train? Just isn’t the same as a Delorean.
POTC – As previously mentioned, Pirates and Swashbuckling are entertaining when you have a Keith Richards inspired Johnny Depp providing comic relief. Where did Pirates go wrong? Story. I was watching the special features of Dead Man’s Chest (the second installment) and up until like 2 weeks before shooting was set to start, they hadn’t a script. I mean, how hard is it to say, ‘Sparrow is tied to long pole and set atop a bonfire – hilarity ensues’? Or ‘put pirates in bad caged ball, dangling over cavernous pit, cut rope – hilarity ensues’? I guess their problem was getting to those situations with an interesting and easy to flow story. Maybe that is a problem for any movie based on an amusement park ride – great ride but not much story can be squeezed from animatronics (anyone else feel they were paying homage to that with Bootstrap Bill in the ship brig scene?). I also don’t think they knew how to end it and I won’t be giving it away here, but my question…what happened to the Kraken (yes, I had to look that one up)? Nevermind, I obviously missed that, hopefully you won’t. OK, so I am being a little harsh on the follow-ups of POTC, they actually are fairly entertaining in their own right, and Johnny Depp is hilarious in all three, but the Will and Elizabeth storyline was just, I don’t know, uninteresting after the first film, and left a lot to be desired…I blame Keira Knightly. Don’t get me wrong, she’s attractive but she can’t act, but she’s young, so either she will improve or we will be exposed to far too many years of her poor acting.
I could go on, but I wanted to point out why these film trilogies are flawed. Unlike other trilogies/sequels, these films aren’t/weren’t franchises, such as comic book characters (Superman, Spider-man) or even emerging franchises like Jurassic Park, Die Hard, or any horror movie that is successful once. But where they really go awry is their popular self-awareness. Most comic book character movies go in knowing they will do well and have multiple sequels, thus the first, ‘foundation’ movie tends to lack in entertainment, whereas movies like The Matrix and POTC basically had one shot to draw in a crowd before sequels were approved. Once that was accomplished, riding on the tail of their own success was easy. Conversely, movies like Rocky, the Bourne series, Oceans, Die Hard, and Lethal Weapon are complete movies, using elements of their predecessors but separate story lines with resolution – for better or worse. Let us hope that Sin City can avoid the pitfalls of the trilogy non-trilogy sequels….and a lot of things blow-up.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Movie Soundtrack
To continue on this theme of musical soundtracks…I thought I would share the ideal soundtrack for my imaginary movie. Let’s say I were to have a movie script that was roughly 75 pages at this point, largely inspired by the following songs, here is what the soundtrack would look like:
‘Peace Like a River’ – Paul Simon
‘Winter’ – Joshua Radin
‘Forever it Tomorrow is Today’ – David Gray
‘She Talks to Angels’ – Black Crowes
‘Freelove’ – Depeche Mode
‘Round Here’ – Counting Crows
‘The Sun’ – Maroon 5
‘The Scientist’ – Coldplay
‘Cleopatra’ – Danny Schmidt
‘Tomorrow Tomorrow’ – Elliott Smith
‘Dimes’ – AJ Roach
‘Tainted Love’ – Softcell
‘Mistakes’ – wONKA bAR
‘King’s Crossing’ – Elliott Smith
‘Each Coming Night’ – Iron and Wine
‘Little Bit Brighter’ – AJ Roach
‘Let Down’ – Radiohead
‘Waltz #1’ – Elliott Smith
The songs may be dated, but so is the imaginary movie. I like to consider them timeless. What would your soundtrack be?
‘Peace Like a River’ – Paul Simon
‘Winter’ – Joshua Radin
‘Forever it Tomorrow is Today’ – David Gray
‘She Talks to Angels’ – Black Crowes
‘Freelove’ – Depeche Mode
‘Round Here’ – Counting Crows
‘The Sun’ – Maroon 5
‘The Scientist’ – Coldplay
‘Cleopatra’ – Danny Schmidt
‘Tomorrow Tomorrow’ – Elliott Smith
‘Dimes’ – AJ Roach
‘Tainted Love’ – Softcell
‘Mistakes’ – wONKA bAR
‘King’s Crossing’ – Elliott Smith
‘Each Coming Night’ – Iron and Wine
‘Little Bit Brighter’ – AJ Roach
‘Let Down’ – Radiohead
‘Waltz #1’ – Elliott Smith
The songs may be dated, but so is the imaginary movie. I like to consider them timeless. What would your soundtrack be?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Top 25
So my last post got me thinking about how important music is in my life, like a soundtrack to a movie. In fact, life is like a movie, filled with a cast and characters, directors, scenes, acts, sets, and props. If you ever get a chance, imagine a scene playing out in front of you and a camera is filming it all…probably be better than any sitcom on TV today. Why do you think reality TV shows do so well? You know, besides the poorly written scripts and untrained actors. News outlets always focus on the stories that provide the best stories. American Idol somehow keeps getting viewers even on the verge of mockery.
So I’ve been going through my iPod, looking at different playlists I have created, checking out my top 25 most played songs, and, here’s something fun to do if you haven’t already, the oldest listened-to songs. If you are like me, there are a bunch of songs that are on my 40G iPod that I’ve never listened to completely, but if you sort by ‘Last Played’ you can scroll down to see which ones you listened to complete and when that occurred. Pretty interesting to see how long ago you listened to some of those songs. And music says a lot about a person, let me run down my top 25 most played (on this iPod, keep in mind) and make a few comments about why they are on there. Alright, maybe I’ll only comment on the top 10:
‘One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces’ – Ben Folds Five
Opening track off of BFF’s Whatever and Ever Amen, this was my first Ben Folds album after a reference was made about them in a Counting Crows song of all places. I am pretty sure this would have been the first complete song I heard from BFF and it completely blew me away, and you will see repeat appearances by Ben Folds on this list. Probably the best live shows I have ever seen.
‘Coconut Skin’ – Damien Rice
I will be writing more on Damien Rice in the future, but for now, be prepared to see several songs by him from his new album 9 on this list. It has only been out a short time but has gotten constant repeat play on my iPod, excellent album top to bottom. I first heard this song off of a youtube video of a live performance and it is the ideal example of how much a singer and a guitar can speak volumes.
‘Every You Every Me’ – Placebo
I had the Cruel Intentions soundtrack lying around for years, not really sure why I even got it in the first place, but this song is worth the price and I rediscovered it while trying to find tunes to put on my work computer so that I wasn’t listening to the same thing I listen to every where else. (Wow, that was a long sentence) I don’t really recall the movie except that it was a poor remake of a good French movie, and it got a young Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe together. Ever since hearing this song, I have been meaning to check out Placebo but only recently purchased their Sleeping With Ghosts album…which rocks. I must be making a turn to emo-rock now that I have also discovered Muse. Anyway, check out this song, and this band, if you get a chance.
‘Fair’ – Ben Folds Five
I’m not sure how this is on the list since the last time I listened to it was February of ’06, but another track off of Whatever and Ever Amen. This tune displays the true brilliance of the band, incorporating harmony vocals, a unique blend of the 3 piece ensemble (piano, bass, and drums) to produce a toe taping and up-beat (literally) lighthearted affair, all the while implementing a melancholy lyrical story that are the epitome of Ben Folds’ songs.
‘Son’s Gonna Rise’ – Citizen Cope & Santana
I’m not sure what it is about this song that makes it so intoxicating, but I’m leaning toward the wa-wa induced acoustic guitar rhythm. Not much in the way of lyrics but the Santana backing and dark bass line carries this tune to multiple replays.
‘Wolves’ – Josh Ritter
Wolves are a reoccurring theme for Ritter, I heard that in an interview so I know it is on purpose. The music is catchy, the lyrics relatable, and the album unbelievable. I’ve covered the works of Josh Ritter here, so to find out more, follow that link.
‘You’re All I Have’ – Snow Patrol
My one shameful entry of modern pop-rock balladeers. In my defense, they write some catchy tunes, using the staple guitar and drum beats that are time tested. Not much stands out lyrically or musically, but the driving beats and traditional song-writing is pulled off well in most of Snow Patrol’s songs. Listen to this one and you’ll see what I mean, and basically you’ll be listening to all their songs at one time.
‘Kate’ – Ben Folds Five
I warned you, another entry by BFF off of Whatever and Ever Amen. This tune follows the typical personal story-telling of Ben Folds. If you know anyone named Kate, you must play her this song, unless she’s the wife of a Hell’s Angel or something. The staccato piano beats sets the pace for this lively number and manages to a few “oh, la, la, las” in there. Dandelions, butterflies, and all those other things that make girls nice.
‘9 Crimes’ – Damien Rice
Damien Rice’s 9 album provides two versions of this opening track tune, both very different products of the same ingredients. The piano and female vocal opening of 9 Crimes is both beautiful and eerie, and sets the tone for the studio track that delves in personal conflict and regret. The acoustic (demo) version is the darker and heavier older brother of the former. Both are beautifully tragic and pull at the strings of your soul, like our next song…
‘Freezing Car’ – AJ Roach
AJ is a friend of a friend but I am not trying to be bias on this one. Roach’s second studio album, Revelations, is due out any time now and this song is quickly moving up my top 25. Roach’s unique knack of storytelling and Appalachian roots, transposed into big city life blends powerful vocals and poetic observational lyrics. Look for his album, go get his first album, Dogwood Winter, and check out his website here. You will not be disappointed.
So I’ve been going through my iPod, looking at different playlists I have created, checking out my top 25 most played songs, and, here’s something fun to do if you haven’t already, the oldest listened-to songs. If you are like me, there are a bunch of songs that are on my 40G iPod that I’ve never listened to completely, but if you sort by ‘Last Played’ you can scroll down to see which ones you listened to complete and when that occurred. Pretty interesting to see how long ago you listened to some of those songs. And music says a lot about a person, let me run down my top 25 most played (on this iPod, keep in mind) and make a few comments about why they are on there. Alright, maybe I’ll only comment on the top 10:
‘One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces’ – Ben Folds Five
Opening track off of BFF’s Whatever and Ever Amen, this was my first Ben Folds album after a reference was made about them in a Counting Crows song of all places. I am pretty sure this would have been the first complete song I heard from BFF and it completely blew me away, and you will see repeat appearances by Ben Folds on this list. Probably the best live shows I have ever seen.
‘Coconut Skin’ – Damien Rice
I will be writing more on Damien Rice in the future, but for now, be prepared to see several songs by him from his new album 9 on this list. It has only been out a short time but has gotten constant repeat play on my iPod, excellent album top to bottom. I first heard this song off of a youtube video of a live performance and it is the ideal example of how much a singer and a guitar can speak volumes.
‘Every You Every Me’ – Placebo
I had the Cruel Intentions soundtrack lying around for years, not really sure why I even got it in the first place, but this song is worth the price and I rediscovered it while trying to find tunes to put on my work computer so that I wasn’t listening to the same thing I listen to every where else. (Wow, that was a long sentence) I don’t really recall the movie except that it was a poor remake of a good French movie, and it got a young Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe together. Ever since hearing this song, I have been meaning to check out Placebo but only recently purchased their Sleeping With Ghosts album…which rocks. I must be making a turn to emo-rock now that I have also discovered Muse. Anyway, check out this song, and this band, if you get a chance.
‘Fair’ – Ben Folds Five
I’m not sure how this is on the list since the last time I listened to it was February of ’06, but another track off of Whatever and Ever Amen. This tune displays the true brilliance of the band, incorporating harmony vocals, a unique blend of the 3 piece ensemble (piano, bass, and drums) to produce a toe taping and up-beat (literally) lighthearted affair, all the while implementing a melancholy lyrical story that are the epitome of Ben Folds’ songs.
‘Son’s Gonna Rise’ – Citizen Cope & Santana
I’m not sure what it is about this song that makes it so intoxicating, but I’m leaning toward the wa-wa induced acoustic guitar rhythm. Not much in the way of lyrics but the Santana backing and dark bass line carries this tune to multiple replays.
‘Wolves’ – Josh Ritter
Wolves are a reoccurring theme for Ritter, I heard that in an interview so I know it is on purpose. The music is catchy, the lyrics relatable, and the album unbelievable. I’ve covered the works of Josh Ritter here, so to find out more, follow that link.
‘You’re All I Have’ – Snow Patrol
My one shameful entry of modern pop-rock balladeers. In my defense, they write some catchy tunes, using the staple guitar and drum beats that are time tested. Not much stands out lyrically or musically, but the driving beats and traditional song-writing is pulled off well in most of Snow Patrol’s songs. Listen to this one and you’ll see what I mean, and basically you’ll be listening to all their songs at one time.
‘Kate’ – Ben Folds Five
I warned you, another entry by BFF off of Whatever and Ever Amen. This tune follows the typical personal story-telling of Ben Folds. If you know anyone named Kate, you must play her this song, unless she’s the wife of a Hell’s Angel or something. The staccato piano beats sets the pace for this lively number and manages to a few “oh, la, la, las” in there. Dandelions, butterflies, and all those other things that make girls nice.
‘9 Crimes’ – Damien Rice
Damien Rice’s 9 album provides two versions of this opening track tune, both very different products of the same ingredients. The piano and female vocal opening of 9 Crimes is both beautiful and eerie, and sets the tone for the studio track that delves in personal conflict and regret. The acoustic (demo) version is the darker and heavier older brother of the former. Both are beautifully tragic and pull at the strings of your soul, like our next song…
‘Freezing Car’ – AJ Roach
AJ is a friend of a friend but I am not trying to be bias on this one. Roach’s second studio album, Revelations, is due out any time now and this song is quickly moving up my top 25. Roach’s unique knack of storytelling and Appalachian roots, transposed into big city life blends powerful vocals and poetic observational lyrics. Look for his album, go get his first album, Dogwood Winter, and check out his website here. You will not be disappointed.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
One Step Up From Monkeys
So I have this play list that lasts exactly 30 minutes (for running purposes I made lists that last various lengths of time) anyway, I recently wronged someone I am very close to and it got me thinking about relationships. Somehow this play list fit exactly with the situation. Here’s how it felt to me.
“So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know. Its ok if you don’t know everything.” - Ben Folds
This lyric should be heard by every man, boy, husband, and boyfriend in the world...or any celebrity who thinks they're the greatest thing to come down the road since the Model-T.
“Open your mouth just to talk me down. You’re sincere as any neon sign.” - AJ Roach
Why guys ever think they can talk their way out of anything is beyond me. It’s like we are 12 years-old permanently. Caught dead in the act like deer in headlights, we still try to play it off like we were giving CPR or a mammogram. “It wasn’t me. Hey, it wasn’t me.” Anyone who has listened to Eddie Murphy’s Raw knows what I’m talking about. So brilliant and timeless. If anything, in this modern-day, technological society we can get caught more easily. The technology has advanced, men have not. (I should say in self-defense this does not pertain to my situation, but after saying the above, I can see where you might think this is just another excuse) Regardless of the wrong, we still go to great lengths to avoid admittance of said wrong.
“I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” - Radiohead
I’m a creep, you’re a creep, we are all creeps. Face it, for some reason we treat people like crap even when they don’t deserve it. This selfish society we live in. We are stuck on esthetics, superficial looks and popularity. We want to be in control of our environment. Disillusions, yes, but we still strive. Maybe one day we will learn that the environment controls us, not the other way around. Things happen that are out of our control and people get hurt. It is how we handle the hurt that makes us better people and realize that, in reality, we are not creeps.
“So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?” - Placebo
A relationship brings out the extremes of emotions. If we hate then we must love. Without hate, then we are without feelings, including love and affection. Just as long as the latter far out weighs the former. Imagine a relations ship is one big teeter-tooter and that big, husky kid is love. Every once-in-a-while he’s gotta get something to eat, but don’t you worry, he’ll be back to try and launch that little scrawny kid of hate into the sand box 40 feet away.
“Maybe I aught to mention, it was never my intension to harm you our your kin” - David Gray
Seriously, I don’t think guys ever go into a relationship intending to screw someone over, we’re not that clever. In fact, I’m not sure if we ever know truly why we get involved in anything except contests that prove our being men. Maybe that’s the reason for anything we do.
“It’s a small crime, and I have no excuse. Is that alright with you?” - Damien Rice
I think it is our jobs as men to apologies for things we never knew we did, or didn’t, do. Don’t ask me why. Must be a combination of skull thickness, percentage of time distracted by anything else, and lack of any real intelligence. Sure, we can tell you the number, location, and marital status of every attractive girl within a 1000 foot radius of us at all times, but pick up on blatantly obvious signals and messages our significant other is throwing out there right in front of you? Must be genetic. Forgiveness seems to be as simple as an apology in some cases, and as complex as life changes that involve walking on your hands and sleeping under water in others. And it makes it that much more difficult when you are unsure how you have wronged or when. Relationships are complex and guys are not complex beings, kind of like water and oil – they don’t mix too good. But no matter what it takes, if a relationship is to end, must be honest and understand why. Spite is not a good reason, nor is “I need the free time now that pre-season is over”
“Where are we? What the hell is going on? Dust has only begun to form crop circles in the carpet.” - Imogen Heap
So that leaves us on the other side. Things are ok. Another situation faced, forged, and cleared. It will only make the relationship stronger. Perfection is an illusion and more situations will arise. We will learn from our past. With all our faults, we guys really aren’t that bad, are we? So ladies, please bear with us, one day we might surprise you. Just like the ecosystem we will adapt to global warming, if not, we’ll become extinct…like polar bears.
“So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know. Its ok if you don’t know everything.” - Ben Folds
This lyric should be heard by every man, boy, husband, and boyfriend in the world...or any celebrity who thinks they're the greatest thing to come down the road since the Model-T.
“Open your mouth just to talk me down. You’re sincere as any neon sign.” - AJ Roach
Why guys ever think they can talk their way out of anything is beyond me. It’s like we are 12 years-old permanently. Caught dead in the act like deer in headlights, we still try to play it off like we were giving CPR or a mammogram. “It wasn’t me. Hey, it wasn’t me.” Anyone who has listened to Eddie Murphy’s Raw knows what I’m talking about. So brilliant and timeless. If anything, in this modern-day, technological society we can get caught more easily. The technology has advanced, men have not. (I should say in self-defense this does not pertain to my situation, but after saying the above, I can see where you might think this is just another excuse) Regardless of the wrong, we still go to great lengths to avoid admittance of said wrong.
“I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” - Radiohead
I’m a creep, you’re a creep, we are all creeps. Face it, for some reason we treat people like crap even when they don’t deserve it. This selfish society we live in. We are stuck on esthetics, superficial looks and popularity. We want to be in control of our environment. Disillusions, yes, but we still strive. Maybe one day we will learn that the environment controls us, not the other way around. Things happen that are out of our control and people get hurt. It is how we handle the hurt that makes us better people and realize that, in reality, we are not creeps.
“So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?” - Placebo
A relationship brings out the extremes of emotions. If we hate then we must love. Without hate, then we are without feelings, including love and affection. Just as long as the latter far out weighs the former. Imagine a relations ship is one big teeter-tooter and that big, husky kid is love. Every once-in-a-while he’s gotta get something to eat, but don’t you worry, he’ll be back to try and launch that little scrawny kid of hate into the sand box 40 feet away.
“Maybe I aught to mention, it was never my intension to harm you our your kin” - David Gray
Seriously, I don’t think guys ever go into a relationship intending to screw someone over, we’re not that clever. In fact, I’m not sure if we ever know truly why we get involved in anything except contests that prove our being men. Maybe that’s the reason for anything we do.
“It’s a small crime, and I have no excuse. Is that alright with you?” - Damien Rice
I think it is our jobs as men to apologies for things we never knew we did, or didn’t, do. Don’t ask me why. Must be a combination of skull thickness, percentage of time distracted by anything else, and lack of any real intelligence. Sure, we can tell you the number, location, and marital status of every attractive girl within a 1000 foot radius of us at all times, but pick up on blatantly obvious signals and messages our significant other is throwing out there right in front of you? Must be genetic. Forgiveness seems to be as simple as an apology in some cases, and as complex as life changes that involve walking on your hands and sleeping under water in others. And it makes it that much more difficult when you are unsure how you have wronged or when. Relationships are complex and guys are not complex beings, kind of like water and oil – they don’t mix too good. But no matter what it takes, if a relationship is to end, must be honest and understand why. Spite is not a good reason, nor is “I need the free time now that pre-season is over”
“Where are we? What the hell is going on? Dust has only begun to form crop circles in the carpet.” - Imogen Heap
So that leaves us on the other side. Things are ok. Another situation faced, forged, and cleared. It will only make the relationship stronger. Perfection is an illusion and more situations will arise. We will learn from our past. With all our faults, we guys really aren’t that bad, are we? So ladies, please bear with us, one day we might surprise you. Just like the ecosystem we will adapt to global warming, if not, we’ll become extinct…like polar bears.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Not So Deep Thoughts III
- No offense to anyone in Gaza, but death by drowning in a sewage flood might be one of the worst ways to die. Not that any way is really all that good.
- I think I’m going to start walking around pretending to talk on my cell phone so that it looks like I’m popular…or at least mildly important.
- Are people really getting that bad at geography and becoming that lazy that we need cars to tell us where to go now? This is just the first step in the complete take over of the world by The Machines. Terminator? Matrix anyone? Those are just possible future documentaries.
- Would it be inappropriate and/or morbid to send an e-vite for your own funeral?
- I wonder what percentage of the world really gives a crap what happens to you.
- Anticipation is the best and worst feeling ever
- It is hard to hold your head up when you have no reason to
- “One day I’m going to grow wings – a chemical reaction.” Some days I wish Radiohead songs would come true.
- How many ways can you come up with to distract you mind from thoughts you don’t want to be thinking? (still not enough)
- Some things just can’t be avoided, like all the forces in the universe are tag teaming against you – and they are all on steroids.
- Boots in the summer? Times keep on achangin’.
- What’s the Russian word for “idiot” because I am sure it is exactly what I need to hear and probably sounds much more ruthless, scary, and appropriate than “idiot”
- Why does everything sound more creep when it is said by a monotone computer voice reading text.
- Anything made in the ‘70s just seems funny to me now: horror movies, TV shows, clothes….me. Fortunately they didn’t have hi-def TV or recording equipment…your children are going to hate you about 20 years from now.
- Anyone else worried that the girl in the Will Farrell landlord video is going to grow up to be just like Lindsey Lohan?
- Everyone is so impatient…most of you probably didn’t even make it to this thought (note to self, never embed links to funny videos on youtube, readers will never come back)
- Why do kids make everything seem so much more humorous?
- I’m sorry for everything I have done wrong to anyone I know.
- I think I’m going to start walking around pretending to talk on my cell phone so that it looks like I’m popular…or at least mildly important.
- Are people really getting that bad at geography and becoming that lazy that we need cars to tell us where to go now? This is just the first step in the complete take over of the world by The Machines. Terminator? Matrix anyone? Those are just possible future documentaries.
- Would it be inappropriate and/or morbid to send an e-vite for your own funeral?
- I wonder what percentage of the world really gives a crap what happens to you.
- Anticipation is the best and worst feeling ever
- It is hard to hold your head up when you have no reason to
- “One day I’m going to grow wings – a chemical reaction.” Some days I wish Radiohead songs would come true.
- How many ways can you come up with to distract you mind from thoughts you don’t want to be thinking? (still not enough)
- Some things just can’t be avoided, like all the forces in the universe are tag teaming against you – and they are all on steroids.
- Boots in the summer? Times keep on achangin’.
- What’s the Russian word for “idiot” because I am sure it is exactly what I need to hear and probably sounds much more ruthless, scary, and appropriate than “idiot”
- Why does everything sound more creep when it is said by a monotone computer voice reading text.
- Anything made in the ‘70s just seems funny to me now: horror movies, TV shows, clothes….me. Fortunately they didn’t have hi-def TV or recording equipment…your children are going to hate you about 20 years from now.
- Anyone else worried that the girl in the Will Farrell landlord video is going to grow up to be just like Lindsey Lohan?
- Everyone is so impatient…most of you probably didn’t even make it to this thought (note to self, never embed links to funny videos on youtube, readers will never come back)
- Why do kids make everything seem so much more humorous?
- I’m sorry for everything I have done wrong to anyone I know.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Can't Make a Sound
Why I hate my job and other things that put me in the mood to listen to Elliott Smith. In a vain attempt to make myself the new dooce.com, sans the humorous literary commentary and edgy, put-it-all-on-the-table openness, let me just try relay to you the absurdity of my job. I am sure many of you can relate unless you work from home and never, ever, have to deal with stupid people. Right. So, now please join me in a collective scream at the top of your lungs to put you in the appropriate mood for the following diatribe on the fake plastic cubical life. Now let me preempt this by mentioning that I work at a technology helpdesk and I am happy to have a job that allows me to do many things other corporate type jobs do not allow, like access the internet [although that is kind of essential for this job], use a cell phone if need be, listen to music, and have flexible hours. But the pay is crappy so I guess it all works out. At least I have a job, albeit temporarily, but this is more a commentary for people who are stuck in jobs they would rather not be in…which I know is actually a smaller fraction than many people would believe. See, in America we have the fortunate opportunity to seek other employment if we are unhappy with our current one, given the right skill set and desire. I just happen to be in one of those transitional periods where I am trying to acquire the necessary skill set to move on to something I prefer better than this current situation…which is just about any other job.
Any given day begins with the blaring, earlier-than-the-Devil-wakes-up ungodly hour alarm that varies between pitch black and blinding sunlight throughout the course of the four seasons on Earth.
Step 1: Sleep walk to the shower while avoiding serious toe stubbing or forehead rapping, always a craps shoot on hot water availability, and stare blankly at the man you have become in the mirror wondering where the years went and why evolution hasn’t stopped your beard from growing so that you don’t have to shave at least once a week.
Step 2: Clothes. Inevitably whatever you wear will not be appropriate for whatever occasion or weather that will have to be faced that day. “I swear the weather said it would be sunny and 85 today.” And as you attempt to run in between the downpour raindrops to your car, you remember you have a meeting with the boss’ boss’ boss today: performance review. You know, the one after the one you got the comments about dressing more appropriately for work. And on that day you thought it was “wear your favorite character’s costume from Pirates of the Caribbean day” at work.
Step 3: The commute. For whatever reason, no matter what time you head to work, EVERYONE in your city/town is also heading to work at that time, and all of them are late for work. No matter how fast you drive, it is never fast enough so cars weave around you like you are one of those cones on the stunt driving courses you see in the car commercials because the late employee commuter is exactly the target market they envisioned when engineering that car.
Step 4: Find a parking spot. This may not pertain to everyone but anyone who works in a city or for a large university knows what I’m talking about. That fun musical chairs game like they have in that new VW, Kia, or Volvo commercial, except involving more fender-benders – not a very safe game to play kids. Don’t try it at home. Or your other option is to pay what amounts to higher rent to park your car than to live in your first apartment…and still have to walk a half mile to your desk.
Step 5: Get to your desk. Imagine it is the Middle Ages and you have been stripped naked, forced to run a gauntlet of whips and spits, mud and crud, and chains and rains. Except in the modern office it is each and every co-worker making a comment about getting caught in the rain, or something about the weather, or “how was your weekend?”, “Its Friday!” or “I can’t wait until the weekend, the week is going by sooooo slow”, that ridiculous minutiae that excels in wasting that precious life minutes at a time. It regurgitates that vomit you had been repressing since that Friday night binge you went on just to forget all that tedious bullshit in the first place.
Step 6: Start it up. Oh, flashbacks to corporate retreats and team building exercises to the Rolling Stones…the head’s still pounding, like a bad brain freeze. OK, now go through your mental checklist: caffeine – check, writing utensils – check, paper – check, phone login – check, deafening volume emitting headphones – check. Now, if the stars align just right, the planets make a straight line from the sun outward, and comet dust is sprinkled just in the right places then your computer will turn on, have internet connection, and the e-mail servers will be actually delivering messages.
Step 7: Work? Probably the high point of the day comes just before you start doing actual work, for a few short, brief minutes you check your personal e-mail, catch up on the late sports results, check your fantasy sports squads, get updates on world and local news events, and read those daily comics. Then it is all down hill from there - for the entire rest of your work day. And by the end, you finish lower than when you started, kind of like the stock market during a recession.
Step 8: Work. Don’t get too excited now. I know you are in your 8’ x 8’ cubicle surrounded by people who might actually want to do less work than you and the only windows you get to look at are provided by Bill Gates and expand to a whopping 19” at best, but please hold the enthusiasm – serious work needs to be accomplished. Alright, time to start taking a few calls…forgot your password? OK, no problem. Why? How am I supposed to know why you forgot your password? Maybe you should take out that stupid rod that’s impaled through your skull. Yes, that very thick skull. There, now isn’t that better? Oh, watch out! Oh no, I think you might have just been stabbed by the idiot stick. Yes, you need to use a number in your new password, see, exactly how it tells you there in the instructions on the screen in front of you. Thank you for call, look forward to talking to you in about 5 minutes when you forget what you set it to. Bu bye.
Step 9: Avoid work. Now is the time you seek out any and all possible avenues to avoid doing actual work. Use the bathroom, take a smoke break (even if you don’t smoke), walk around with papers in your hand and look really frustrated like you are trying to accomplish something really important or looking for someone to help you, this will send any and all running in the opposite direction. Check work e-mail even if you have read it all already, gives you a good excuse not to be answering phone calls. One hour later, answer another call just to keep a good appearance. Hello. Your computer’s not working you say? OK, what seems to be the problem? It is not working, hmm. You tried turning the monitor on and off? That’s good, that probably should have worked, yeah, definitely, good work. Now how about we actually try restarting the computer. Yes, that box looking thing on the floor. Yeah, it sure does take a while to load. What can be done to fix it? Besides removing the 18 IM applications that all load at start up? Yes, I understand, you gots to stay in touch with your peeps. Yeah. No, you probably should be trying to open that application while the computer is still booting, most likely why it takes even longer to open it. Oh, it is working now? Yeah, pretty amazing. Yes, it must be because you called the helpdesk, haha, never heard that one before, it always seems to work when you are talking to us, yes. Murphy’s law, yep, uhmm, yep. OK, bu bye.
Step 10: Lunch. Yes, that’s right, it is only lunch time.
Speaking of which, time for me to take a break. I should finish this on Monday and post the rest then. Appropriately on a Monday. You might see a different mood in that post, should be fun.
Any given day begins with the blaring, earlier-than-the-Devil-wakes-up ungodly hour alarm that varies between pitch black and blinding sunlight throughout the course of the four seasons on Earth.
Step 1: Sleep walk to the shower while avoiding serious toe stubbing or forehead rapping, always a craps shoot on hot water availability, and stare blankly at the man you have become in the mirror wondering where the years went and why evolution hasn’t stopped your beard from growing so that you don’t have to shave at least once a week.
Step 2: Clothes. Inevitably whatever you wear will not be appropriate for whatever occasion or weather that will have to be faced that day. “I swear the weather said it would be sunny and 85 today.” And as you attempt to run in between the downpour raindrops to your car, you remember you have a meeting with the boss’ boss’ boss today: performance review. You know, the one after the one you got the comments about dressing more appropriately for work. And on that day you thought it was “wear your favorite character’s costume from Pirates of the Caribbean day” at work.
Step 3: The commute. For whatever reason, no matter what time you head to work, EVERYONE in your city/town is also heading to work at that time, and all of them are late for work. No matter how fast you drive, it is never fast enough so cars weave around you like you are one of those cones on the stunt driving courses you see in the car commercials because the late employee commuter is exactly the target market they envisioned when engineering that car.
Step 4: Find a parking spot. This may not pertain to everyone but anyone who works in a city or for a large university knows what I’m talking about. That fun musical chairs game like they have in that new VW, Kia, or Volvo commercial, except involving more fender-benders – not a very safe game to play kids. Don’t try it at home. Or your other option is to pay what amounts to higher rent to park your car than to live in your first apartment…and still have to walk a half mile to your desk.
Step 5: Get to your desk. Imagine it is the Middle Ages and you have been stripped naked, forced to run a gauntlet of whips and spits, mud and crud, and chains and rains. Except in the modern office it is each and every co-worker making a comment about getting caught in the rain, or something about the weather, or “how was your weekend?”, “Its Friday!” or “I can’t wait until the weekend, the week is going by sooooo slow”, that ridiculous minutiae that excels in wasting that precious life minutes at a time. It regurgitates that vomit you had been repressing since that Friday night binge you went on just to forget all that tedious bullshit in the first place.
Step 6: Start it up. Oh, flashbacks to corporate retreats and team building exercises to the Rolling Stones…the head’s still pounding, like a bad brain freeze. OK, now go through your mental checklist: caffeine – check, writing utensils – check, paper – check, phone login – check, deafening volume emitting headphones – check. Now, if the stars align just right, the planets make a straight line from the sun outward, and comet dust is sprinkled just in the right places then your computer will turn on, have internet connection, and the e-mail servers will be actually delivering messages.
Step 7: Work? Probably the high point of the day comes just before you start doing actual work, for a few short, brief minutes you check your personal e-mail, catch up on the late sports results, check your fantasy sports squads, get updates on world and local news events, and read those daily comics. Then it is all down hill from there - for the entire rest of your work day. And by the end, you finish lower than when you started, kind of like the stock market during a recession.
Step 8: Work. Don’t get too excited now. I know you are in your 8’ x 8’ cubicle surrounded by people who might actually want to do less work than you and the only windows you get to look at are provided by Bill Gates and expand to a whopping 19” at best, but please hold the enthusiasm – serious work needs to be accomplished. Alright, time to start taking a few calls…forgot your password? OK, no problem. Why? How am I supposed to know why you forgot your password? Maybe you should take out that stupid rod that’s impaled through your skull. Yes, that very thick skull. There, now isn’t that better? Oh, watch out! Oh no, I think you might have just been stabbed by the idiot stick. Yes, you need to use a number in your new password, see, exactly how it tells you there in the instructions on the screen in front of you. Thank you for call, look forward to talking to you in about 5 minutes when you forget what you set it to. Bu bye.
Step 9: Avoid work. Now is the time you seek out any and all possible avenues to avoid doing actual work. Use the bathroom, take a smoke break (even if you don’t smoke), walk around with papers in your hand and look really frustrated like you are trying to accomplish something really important or looking for someone to help you, this will send any and all running in the opposite direction. Check work e-mail even if you have read it all already, gives you a good excuse not to be answering phone calls. One hour later, answer another call just to keep a good appearance. Hello. Your computer’s not working you say? OK, what seems to be the problem? It is not working, hmm. You tried turning the monitor on and off? That’s good, that probably should have worked, yeah, definitely, good work. Now how about we actually try restarting the computer. Yes, that box looking thing on the floor. Yeah, it sure does take a while to load. What can be done to fix it? Besides removing the 18 IM applications that all load at start up? Yes, I understand, you gots to stay in touch with your peeps. Yeah. No, you probably should be trying to open that application while the computer is still booting, most likely why it takes even longer to open it. Oh, it is working now? Yeah, pretty amazing. Yes, it must be because you called the helpdesk, haha, never heard that one before, it always seems to work when you are talking to us, yes. Murphy’s law, yep, uhmm, yep. OK, bu bye.
Step 10: Lunch. Yes, that’s right, it is only lunch time.
Speaking of which, time for me to take a break. I should finish this on Monday and post the rest then. Appropriately on a Monday. You might see a different mood in that post, should be fun.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Blog Surfing
Blog surfing, or hopping, or spin the roulette wheel, watch the tiny ball bounce around in a circle to fall on…some random French blog. OK, one more time, place your bets…a 27 year old Chinese web designer. And needless to say, other more non-appropriate web sites have also been encountered. Maybe this blog roulette game isn’t the best way to pass one’s time trying to find good blogs.
Then again, sometimes you come across posts like this:
“I am a gangsta!I am a gangsta!Gansta drink milk.. Yummy.Gansta eat pies.. Yummy.Gansta say he's gangsta.. Yay.bah, ok..I got a new phone!!! WOoHOOOOO!!!!”
Now that is some informative, thought provoking, hard hitting blogging one comes to expect from the blog ‘verse. Honestly, I think a majority of the people who blog nowadays do it for no specific reason whatsoever. Venting, ranting, entertainment, personal statements, keep in touch with friends or make new ones. Some are themed with multiple contributors, some are aimed at specific people. Regardless, blogging is just another form of subversive communication that looks to undermine actual communication. The youth of our generation could presumably live an entire life only knowing and communicating with people online, with little need for real personal interaction. Pretty soon we’ll all just be meeting at virtual bars with our 2-D pictures floating around checking out other 2-D pictures before getting annoyed at the pictures who are dancing on top of the tables screaming the lyrics to some Gwen Stefani song. Oh, and dropping about an $80 tab. Nice. But hey, it will all work out when you save that money on the cab ride home and the 6 pizzas you order when you get there…for yourself because it just sounded like a reallllllyyy good idea. Best ever. You are a genius.
Sorry, back to blogging, and isn’t sort of paradoxical to be blogging about blogging? I should mention the small percentage of blogs that I have found thus far to be fairly entertaining – they’re like social glimpses into lives of people that have nothing to do with your life in any way, none, sort of like watching a reality TV show but with a bit more honesty and a lot less acting. Just in this session of Blog surfing:
http://darling247.blogspot.com/ (a vet with 190+ posts, long posts)
http://jekkababy.blogspot.com/ (aspiring Peace Corp member)
http://marisa-peek.blogspot.com/ (world traveler)
http://thedancingkids.blogspot.com/ (think of the traveling gnome)
But really, just like gambling, that ‘Next Blog>>’ link at the top using blogspot is about as addictive as, well, gambling…only without the fear of losing your entire life’s savings – although you never know in this day and age.
Then again, sometimes you come across posts like this:
“I am a gangsta!I am a gangsta!Gansta drink milk.. Yummy.Gansta eat pies.. Yummy.Gansta say he's gangsta.. Yay.bah, ok..I got a new phone!!! WOoHOOOOO!!!!”
Now that is some informative, thought provoking, hard hitting blogging one comes to expect from the blog ‘verse. Honestly, I think a majority of the people who blog nowadays do it for no specific reason whatsoever. Venting, ranting, entertainment, personal statements, keep in touch with friends or make new ones. Some are themed with multiple contributors, some are aimed at specific people. Regardless, blogging is just another form of subversive communication that looks to undermine actual communication. The youth of our generation could presumably live an entire life only knowing and communicating with people online, with little need for real personal interaction. Pretty soon we’ll all just be meeting at virtual bars with our 2-D pictures floating around checking out other 2-D pictures before getting annoyed at the pictures who are dancing on top of the tables screaming the lyrics to some Gwen Stefani song. Oh, and dropping about an $80 tab. Nice. But hey, it will all work out when you save that money on the cab ride home and the 6 pizzas you order when you get there…for yourself because it just sounded like a reallllllyyy good idea. Best ever. You are a genius.
Sorry, back to blogging, and isn’t sort of paradoxical to be blogging about blogging? I should mention the small percentage of blogs that I have found thus far to be fairly entertaining – they’re like social glimpses into lives of people that have nothing to do with your life in any way, none, sort of like watching a reality TV show but with a bit more honesty and a lot less acting. Just in this session of Blog surfing:
http://darling247.blogspot.com/ (a vet with 190+ posts, long posts)
http://jekkababy.blogspot.com/ (aspiring Peace Corp member)
http://marisa-peek.blogspot.com/ (world traveler)
http://thedancingkids.blogspot.com/ (think of the traveling gnome)
But really, just like gambling, that ‘Next Blog>>’ link at the top using blogspot is about as addictive as, well, gambling…only without the fear of losing your entire life’s savings – although you never know in this day and age.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Andrew Bird and Martin Dosh - Imitosis
Slightly different version than the one found on his album, originally called "I" off a previous EP. This version is sort of a mix between the two versions.
MY LIST: May
May’s Artist of the Month: Andrew Bird
I first heard of Andrew Bird through the author of dooce.com who was able to get a chance to see Bird live in Utah. Since then, Andrew has made a splash on the music scene with his high energy shows and eclectic, “outside-of-the-box”, violin driven (I kid you not) tunes. I may be hopping on the bandwagon a little late on this one as most people had an opportunity to catch Bird either at Lollapalooza or Bonnaroo last year, or on David Letterman. I should note that my collection of Bird’s music only consists of his two most recent albums: The Mysterious Production of Eggs and Armchair Apocrypha. However I did catch on before Armchair was released so I was able to appreciate both albums separately.
Harking from Illinois, Bird brings the looping styles of Keller Williams with the instrument variety of a Sufjan Stevens and backed with toe-tapping hooks to mesh songs into catchy singles and swaying ballads. Bird using both a bow and plucking style for his main instrument, the violin, but is usually accompanied by guitars, xylophones, keyboards, his own whistling, and backing strings to match the diverse and poetic lyrics that fill out his baggy-clothed songs. Imploring more of a spoken word style of sings, Bird’s voice is clean but limited in range. However, it nestles nicely into the grander scope of each song creating an interwoven and flowing call and response between the vocals and supporting instruments. On other tunes, vocals and guitar are synced to harmonize and highlight lyrics before separating like railroad tracks at a train-yard before returning again to the main line. Please check out the youtube video I posted to get the full effect. [New Feature!]
Songs that will change your life: Imitosis, Not a Robot, but a Ghost
Other tracks that you must listen to: Fiery Crash, Fake Palindromes, A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left, Plasticities
Hidden tracks: Tables and Chairs, Heretics, Darkmatter
I first heard of Andrew Bird through the author of dooce.com who was able to get a chance to see Bird live in Utah. Since then, Andrew has made a splash on the music scene with his high energy shows and eclectic, “outside-of-the-box”, violin driven (I kid you not) tunes. I may be hopping on the bandwagon a little late on this one as most people had an opportunity to catch Bird either at Lollapalooza or Bonnaroo last year, or on David Letterman. I should note that my collection of Bird’s music only consists of his two most recent albums: The Mysterious Production of Eggs and Armchair Apocrypha. However I did catch on before Armchair was released so I was able to appreciate both albums separately.
Harking from Illinois, Bird brings the looping styles of Keller Williams with the instrument variety of a Sufjan Stevens and backed with toe-tapping hooks to mesh songs into catchy singles and swaying ballads. Bird using both a bow and plucking style for his main instrument, the violin, but is usually accompanied by guitars, xylophones, keyboards, his own whistling, and backing strings to match the diverse and poetic lyrics that fill out his baggy-clothed songs. Imploring more of a spoken word style of sings, Bird’s voice is clean but limited in range. However, it nestles nicely into the grander scope of each song creating an interwoven and flowing call and response between the vocals and supporting instruments. On other tunes, vocals and guitar are synced to harmonize and highlight lyrics before separating like railroad tracks at a train-yard before returning again to the main line. Please check out the youtube video I posted to get the full effect. [New Feature!]
Songs that will change your life: Imitosis, Not a Robot, but a Ghost
Other tracks that you must listen to: Fiery Crash, Fake Palindromes, A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left, Plasticities
Hidden tracks: Tables and Chairs, Heretics, Darkmatter
Virginia is for Scholars
Really, Virginia has some outstanding educational institutions, don't let the news outlets sway you in any way. But for some reason every time I read a caption like: "University fires president over drunken driving charges", my first reaction is now going to be: "What Virginia school this time?" Check it out for yourself...
http://www.cnn.com/2007/EDUCATION/04/30/college.president.arrest.ap/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2007/EDUCATION/04/30/college.president.arrest.ap/index.html
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