Holiday Songs

Holiday Songs

Have you ever stopped to consider what is being sung to us each and every year around this time? As we drive in our cars to go shopping, as we shop in over priced stores, while we pay for those over priced items, while we drive to another store to shop, while we have coffee when taking a break from shopping, and while getting over priced gas to go do more shopping. Well, if you never wondered, here’s what you’ve been missing and what is being taught to your children preparing for those holiday pageants and plays…

Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer:
Seriously, this is the song that got me started down this road. I mean, have you listened to this song?? Basically it is telling us it is ok to discriminate against someone or something because it is different…until you have a good use for it. “All of the other reindeer use to laugh and call him names…” because he had a shiny nose, i.e. he was physically different from the others. “Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide our sleigh tonight…” Well, you are now useful so we’ll put you to work. “Then how all the reindeer loved him…”, hey you can actually do something useful, we’ll except you! Don’t worry about us making fun of you before, it’s all good now. I mean, c'mon!

Frosty the Snow Man:
Basically Frosty is about death and unlawfulness. So a snowman comes to life – clearly witchery – then plays with the children? A jolly happy snowman? Hmm..right. “Thumpetty thump thump, look at frosty go.” Second verse, this snowman isn’t without flaws. He will eventually “die” (melt) but before he does, let’s go laugh at the establishment, ignore traffic laws, and swear our vengeance. “Don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day.” Sounds like a bad horror flick were the villain just keeps coming back in the sequels.

Holly Jolly Christmas
This song is rife with promiscuity and alcoholic beverage promotion. 16 lines of hollies and jollies, cups of cheer, and mistletoe induced kissing. And just say hello to everyone you meet, why not? Invite unnecessary confrontations with random vagrants on the street, yeah, good idea. While you are at it, take them home and kiss them under the mistletoe, real holly and jolly.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Do I really need to explain this one to you? Adulterous winch. Apparently this song was written in 1952 and I blame all feminist movements of the 60s, 70s, and 80s on this very song.

Jingle Bells
Some songs hide their debauchery in rarely sung verses. Case in point, an innocent sleigh ride turns into a haunting accident, “I went out on the snow and on my back I fell / A gent was riding by in a one-horse open sleigh / He laughed as there I sprawling lie / But quickly drove away.” That’s just wrong, its like driving by a car accident scene and laughing at the bodies that were thrown from the car, who does that?!? Oh, and least I mention what our jolly rider was heading to – “I thought I’d take a ride, and soon Miss Fanny Bright was seated by my side” – and now cut to later that eve – “Go it while you’re young, take the girls tonight and sing this sleighing song”

Let it Snow
Who knew that saying goodbye could be a euphemism? “The fire is slowly dying / And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing / But as long as you love me so / Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow”

Santa Claus is Coming to Town
I’m pretty sure this is the basis for the current (Bush) administration’s wiretapping policy. “He’s making a list / and checking it twice / Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.” Oh, and talk about conformity and persuasion of kids to be “good.” I think you get where I’m going with this

The Christmas Song
An obviously drug induced hallucination in lyrical form. “Jack Frost nipping at your nose”? “folks dressed up like Eskimos”? “Tiny tots wit their eyes all aglow”? If Mel Torme wasn’t high on something while writing this song then I need whatever he had for dinner that night ‘cause I’m running out of ideas for blog posts.

Lyrics found at: http://www.nevada.edu/~blake/Christmas.songs.html