How It's Changed

…And welcome back, I hope you enjoyed that brief commercial smell sensation, didn't that smell delicious? We are happy to be back, beaming directly into your cerebral cortex dnd do we have an exciting uplink for you today. In this segment we are going to delve into the world of ancient technological change. You see, back in homo sapiens sapien period, what they might call the late 20^th century, life was a bit “backwards” for our standards. Imagine a world where you had to use a handheld device to communicate with friends and family?!? And communication with their domesticated pets wasn’t even fathomable for them…haven’t times changed? Now let us examine some of the technology these early humans used in their daily lives…feel free to virtually manipulate these objects to really give you a feel for the clumsiness of their archaic lives. Just don’t do it while transporting as this may cause a fluctuation in your brainwaves resulting in distortion upon re-apparition. We do not want to see any transportation fatalities because of our distractive content. W8 & Concentr8

(cue cheesy 'musac' and warming voice-over)

Here we see one of the devices that “revolutionized” communication…if they only knew, right? They called this a Cellular Telephone, after a previous form, yet similar technology of wired communication. The “Cell Phone” as it became to be known as allowed humans to walk around freely in public whilst continuously communicating directly with an unknown individual on the other end…often times making said individual look like a huge douche-bag to anyone overhearing their very annoying and irrelevant conversations.

Next, let us mentally navigate to this rather large, cubed device, popular amongst these early humans for entertainment and distraction. They called it the “television,” and it operated in a most rudimentary way. The front panel of this cube would emit a patter of colors creating a two-dimensional image of dramatized tele-plays that this “civilization” would then watch for enjoyment. Yes, only two-dimensions! Imagine how much we are amused at only five dimensions, our ten must not have even been found in their futuristic fictional ‘tele-plays’…it is hard to fathom what life must have been like for these depraved souls. Our two-legged ancestors would sit for star-rotations on end, watching semi-humorous, vaguely scripted situational comedies, dramas, or athletic competitions to escape from their mundane, labor intensive sun-rotations.

Now, can you imagine leaving your domicile, and your means of travel is a four-wheeled vehicle that used naturally created, but limited supplied, combustible liquid which propelled gears to create acceleration? If they only knew, right? Maybe hundreds of thousands of these early humans could have lived instead of perishing in the final great war and this, mankind, could have survived the last great technological feat that ultimately lead to their doom…

the “gaming console.” Records show that the first and widely popular gaming device, one that allowed for interchangeable games, was known as the Atari. Later advances found better visual graphics and more comprehensive game play. In addition, any advancement resulted in the increase in average weight, laziness, and academic failure rates which we all know led to the eventual extinction of this once proud race of beings. It truly is an amazement how these gaming consoles, in conjunction with their two-dimensional displaying devices completely engrossed pre-adolescent, adolescent, and ultimately post-adolescent humans in interactive game-play, using such themes as war, auto-racing, mythical warriors, sports, and ironically, futuristic, post-apocalyptic hell-scapes.

How fortunate are we to live in a modern time of collective consciousness, a free existence, and a reality that is devoid of any need of a virtual state. Now be well my fellow siblings and remember to never forget the foibles of our ancestors, least we dare not repeat them.

Not So Deep Thoughts IV

Just a few things that have been on my mind lately…when I’ve been consciences enough to think (which might explain why these aren’t really all that coherent)

-          We should create literal objects that are used in figurative speech…like timetable, put a clock in a table. The rat race, make rat racing popular by showing it on ESPN2. We'll do this just to mess with people so they can’t figure out which one we are talking about.

-          Hey, Stephen A. Smith, the louder you scream does not make you more right.

-          I’m sure someone has said this before but, people who start a sentence with “I don’t mean to be rude, but…” or “I don’t mean to interrupt, but…” are about the say or do exactly what they don’t mean to say or do. It is even worse than just saying or doing what you don’t mean to say or do because you are acknowledging the fact you are about to say or do exactly what you don’t mean to do. I’d rather you just tell me I have a face that looks like Chris Christie’s ball sack and not know you are being rude.

-          I often wonder if I’m that friend in the group that is the one that everyone else thinks is just a huge dork and is trying way too hard, like Andre from “The League” or Cliff from “Cheers” or Cricket from “It’s Always Sunny…” Oh well, guess I’ll go back to wearing my fedora hat spouting random trivia and fawning over Dee (also, see first thought, that should explain a lot)

-          Where is the reality TV show about the making of a movie about reality TV shows?

-          My headphones are lying on the floor in the shape of a brontosaurus head (sorry, Apatosaurus)…no kidding, it’s a little scary. I just hope it doesn’t sneeze on me (right, Adriana Richards?)

-          I’m a little worried that I cannot remember ANYTHING past 1998, curse you on-demand information. I can list for you my childhood phone number, every player by position on the 1990 world champion Cincinnati Reds team (even Hal Morris who came in as a defensive sub at 1^st base to catch the Rickey Henderson pop-out to win the decisive game 4 sweep!), the cast members of the Breakfast Club, the afternoon line-up of cartoons on fox, and can describe for you my elementary school Christmas play in great detail, I, of course, was a dashing toy soldier. Ask me to name 2/3^rd of the cast of the Avengers and I’d blankly stare at your face.

-          I’m pretty sure that 60% of the time you’ll find me wearing two different socks, because I get dressed in the dark, which probably says a lot.

-          I’m sure if Superman had known what Margot Kidder was to become, he would have never spun the earth in the opposite direction and turned back time to save her from that earthquake. Speaking of which, how much reality do you have to suspend to believe that that could actually happen, if anything, the Earth would have been really fucked up and all out of wack.

-          I’m not sure that my students are thinking the same thing as me when I mention “fiscal cliff.”

-          At what age does it become embarrassing to play with LEGOs? And why is it less acceptable than building a model “Helm’s Deep?”

-          I’m just waiting for 1980s fashion to come back so I can stop laughing at old pictures (of myself) and start laughing at actual people. 1980s comedies are comical for a whole different reason now-a-days. Sorry, Cory Haim, R.I.P.

-          Flat tires blow!

-          When Bigfoot gets lonely, she shaves and does a movie under the name Mickey Rourke

-          If we didn’t have daylight savings, would everything just go dark?

-          I say we just get rid of leap day and let things just play out, see if we can really adjust to subtle changes, you know, to help us prepare for global warming.

Comment-ary

(the following is a blog about why I don’t blog about myself. All of these commenters are factious, and any resemblance to actually people is merely coincidental, enjoy!)

“Hey, Rick D., long time reader, first time commenter. I see you do not write about yourself very much. What’s up with that?” – Nosey in New Brunswick

Haha, well, Nosey, first, thank you for your comments, and to answer you question, one I might add that I’m sure are on many of the readers’ minds, is that I don’t think many of you would find my life all that much interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life - A very loving and beautiful wife, a quaint house in a nice neighborhood, away from the noise but close enough to the see to not be considered the suburbs. But, honestly, who really wants to read about that? But if you are interested, let me know.

“I see from your blogs that you are an average, middle-age, white guy who teaches high school history and watches a lot of TV. What makes you so special and knowledgeable to rant on anything?” – condescending in Caroline

Nice deduction, condescending, you are spot on. If you go back through my blogs, I actually reveal a lot about myself: I don’t plan ahead, I write as I think, I can be witty but lack refinement, I use a lot of self-deprecating humor, I rarely revise mistakes because I do not re-read my writings, I’m not an English major but pretend to be, and know a little about a lot of things but not a lot about a few things.

“Sundreched, first time reader, long time commenter. I find it very difficult to follow your posts so I just don’t read them. Why are you even doing this?” – annoyed in Alexandria

Oh boy, tough crowded out there today, are you annoyed because of the traffic up there, or what? Well, I do this more for my own enjoyment, really. I have no pretense that anyone actually reads this thing, even you guys, my devote commenters, mainly because I made you up and since no one actually comments I never actually know if anyone does read this (shameless plea). I find this medium to be a good outlet for rants, ideas, and removing the mental garbage that piles up in my head during those momentary periods of silence over the course of a day. I’ve never been one to keep a journal and in times of going back and reading my own posts, it is more like reading someone else’s thoughts, because I rarely remember thinking of them the first time around. And lastly, I think it’s a good primary source of my own thoughts and a reflection of the things happening at that time…which sometimes makes it difficult to get some of the references in old posts, but whatever.

“Your writing does not follow a singular train of thought; do you have A.D.D or something?” – random in Roanoke

Yes. Wait, what were we talking about? So, yeah, if you don’t have A.D.D. and want to know the mental processes that occur with in the mind of someone who has been clinically diagnosed with A.D.D (I will never be mistaken for someone who is hyperactive so just leave the ‘H’ at the door), then feel free to peruse some of my earlier posts, or just sit through one of my classes…good thing most of my students don’t pay attention or they would be completely lost listening to me. I tend to go on tangents…I did enjoy math in high school, that could explain my appeal for problem solving and geometry, things like tangents and hypotenuses. I am must more of a spatial learner than auditory. Wait, what was I talking about? One of my co-workers actually recommended that I take a drug to help me out with that. ‘nough said.

“Are you like this in real life?” – admirer from Albemarle

Why yes, yes I am, only less articulate, and less wordy, and less vocal, and less forthcoming with my thoughts. So no, no I am not. The ability (and you might find this hard to believe) to contemplate your thoughts prior to expressing them is a big bonus for me. I’m witty, but not quick of tongue. I’m like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, give me some time and I’ll e-mail you a witty retort (but not nearly as smart, but maybe just as equally socially awkward). In a group, I probably talk the least (my students would find this hard to believe). I might even say things inappropriate for the level of acquaintance (see ‘Acquaintances’ post). But, all-in-all, I’m just as random and observant, and randomly observant as my posts.

Thank you for joining us today on “The Readers Write”, join us next time when we’ll have dead silence so I’ll just make up more imaginary readers, just like my childhood when I had the best imaginary backyard basketball team. Good night!

Youth Running

I found an unfinished blog from Sept of ’07, prior to getting opportunities to coach at the high school level. I thought I’d share it with you and I’ll probably follow up with some rant on modern athletes and athletics…

As I have mentioned before, I grew up running. There are pictures of me at age 7 holding a trophy for some run I did around a block. I actually remember bits of that day, and if you know me and my memory skills, that’s impressive. I can’t remember names of people I just met 3 seconds after they told me. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, running. Recently I had a brief conversation about running at such a young age, what I use to wear, how involved were my parents, etc. And watching young children run today makes me shiver about what it must have been like for me. Granted, I recall never being pushed by my Dad to do anything I didn’t gravitate toward; I guess I was just a naturally good runner and enjoyed being good at something (I think most kids feel that way). But when I see kids coming out to summer track meets wearing Underarmour shirts and Nike spikes (seriously? At age 8?) I wonder about how much of a say they had in that decision. We have High School kids breaking 4 minutes in the mile and sprinting faster then at any point in history and you wonder why many athletes are turning to performance enhancing drugs. Is the pressure too great in High School sports? Kids are getting started younger and younger and parents are demanding more and more. It makes me reconsider going into the coaching profession all together. I remember my running career as being rather enjoyable (until I got to college); interacting with teammates and coaches, running at races, long-slow runs spent throwing rocks at power lines. I honestly believe that sports must be enjoyable for young athletes, particularly if you want them to continue in the sport beyond middle school. Success certainly makes sports more enjoyable but what does success cost? Sports are institutions that foster positive environments for the young and old, but when sports are driven by results, success, winning, then the environment turns to pressure, frustration, cheating, and money…just ask O.J., McGuire, Sosa, (Lance Armstrong) and an endless number of athletes that didn’t even find wealth and popularity but suffered the ill effects. Sports have become an economic beast but does that need to trickle down to 6, 7, 8 year olds? Running provided me an outlet of stress, an inlet of sportsmanship, life long friendships, and a perspective on the world that most miss. It paid for my education at a top University but once it became a necessity and not a desire, it became a burden. 

And here's proof (aren't I adorable?)

A Third-Life Crisis

So I like to think that I’m a third through my life, if all goes according to the plan I hope fate has laid out for me (ok, maybe more than a third). I’ve been catching myself having these thoughts about the situations I've been finding myself in lately. Kind of those existential thoughts like: am I really having brunch as a couple with a couple? Are we really considering playing “family feud” - husbands against wives? Am I really having this conversation about how lovely the cheese spread is at this co-worker holiday function?

I feel like I’m sometime living out an episode of Seinfield or How I Met Your Mother. “You guys should come over for dinner, we can even open a bottle of wine and play charades.” “Hey, shmoopie.” “No, you hang up…no you…no you.” I’ve never been accused of, nor have I ever felt that I have acted my age. I physically look younger than my chronological years, and I’m pretty sure you would not accuse me of being overly mature for my age if you spent more than 5 minutes around me. I like to think I just got a late start on life – starting my ‘career a mere 5 years ago, recently married, and purchased a home about a year ago. I’m not complaining mind you, I will never be mistaken for someone who likes to rush into things. But I think I draw the line at stereotypical. My whole life and every essence of my physical being is stereotypical – white, male, middle-class, college-educated (I’m finding that less typical than I once believed), about 6’ tall, average American kid of divorced parents and enjoyed playing sports growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with others…sometimes, you know, hanging out, having a drink, watching a game, or even just a nice conversation. But I just don’t think that I’m “that guy.” You know, the one who is the husband of the friend of a friend that you approach at a wedding/neighbor/holiday party and strikes up a conversation about how do you know so-and-so? What line of work are you in? Hey, we should get together sometime and discuss trying to get you into a new Lexus, then hands you his card – Sales Representative, Toyota/Lexus/Scion Dealer. I guess that’s why I’m not in sales, hey, more power to them.

As I experience this, and many more situations like these to come, I worry that my mind will betray me and I’ll be unable to control my inner-dialog – which typically leaves me fighting off laughter. This might be an early sign of a serious psychological disorder. (deep breath) Serenity now.

Chronology of Music

Over the past 5 years, I can honestly say that much of my musical tastes have not changed. I believe you reach a certain point in your life where it is very difficult to continue to listen to your long time favorites while introducing new artists to your rotation. Every generation of music lovers, I believe, follows a similar path during their musical life spans and for us 30 somethings, it went a little like this:

1. Pre-self-awareness/Elementary School: Welcome youngling! Now that you have left those wonderful nursery rhyme jingles back with your night-light and footy pajamas, it is now time for you to discovery what Mommy and Daddy listen to. Your introduction to main stream pop was what most 40 year-olds spin on turn-tables, classics like: Michael Jackson, Abba, Simon & Garfunkel, the Bee Gees, Dolly Parton, and Alabama.
1. Nowadays, I’m pretty sure kids are introduced to hip-hop, tween pop, country, rap, and metal through some kind of in vitro, bluetooth ear-bud music system.

2. Self-awareness/Middle School: Finally! A boombox in your room, complete with dual tape deck (ideal for making mix-tapes!) and a big ol’ antenna that would get you Casey Kasem’s top 40 with all those chart toppin’ bands like: Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, Phil Collins, Motley Crue, White Snake, Wham!, The Cars, and Men at Work. Timely and poignantly wonderful tunes with all the lyrics a rebellious, prepubescent boy or girl could desire. “We can dance if we want / we can leave your friends behind / ‘cause your friends don’t dance / if they don’t dance / then they’re no friends of mine”
1. Modern-day middle schoolers could make up lyrics that would put 1980’s Madonna to shame

3. Formable Years/High School: Alright, the music that you will listen to for the rest of your life you will first listen to during this age. You will combine the classics with the new rebellion, the anti-establishment of all generations with the anti-establishment of the new generation. “School’s out for summer / school’s out forever” ‘cause “Jeremy spoke in class today” Start collecting those Compact-Discs by picking them up in their long-box displays, ultimately to be trimmed down to just the case. But be careful not to scratch that CD or you’ll be stuck listening to the beginning riff of “Hard to Handle” over and over. Widen your musical (and mental) horizons with artists like: Led Zeppelin, the Stones, the Doors, Metallica, Black Crowes, R.E.M. & U2 (their early shit, not their new crap), Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, SoundGarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains, Guns N’ Roses, Green Day, Counting Crows, and Live. At least if you were a middle to upper-middle class, suburban, white kid. Rage Against the Machine young man, rage!
1. Today’s high schoolers listen to the new anti-establishment, whatever-is-popular-on-youtube / American Idol winners, and/or anything that has a really heavy kick-drum beat. I’m not even sure there are any other instruments.

4. Suggestive Years/College: Here you are, you made it! On your own…well except for the thousands of other 18-22 year olds who are also ‘on their own’. And with them come a wide plethora of musical suggestions. How can you not hear new music when your roommate feels like blasting Bone Thugs-N-Harmony on their stereo at 1 a.m. the night before your big midterm exam! “Meet you at the crossroads”, damn right, when I put you under with my 100lb psych101 textbook. This is a time for sharing…stories, music, uncomfortable conversations in the communal showers. It’s the underlying root of the college experience. It’s when you discovered Biggie, 2-Pac, P.Diddy (sorry, Puff Daddy), ungodly loud club dance music blaring at every frat party on campus. Others you may have been unwillingly exposed to but ended up liking: Phish, No Doubt, O.A.R., Muse, Radiohead, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Vertical Horizon, The Wallflowers, Weezer, Wilco, Coolio, Blues Travelers, Oasis, any jam-band in a big amphitheater.
1. Again, not that much different in the modern era, anything that goes good with pot, drinking, and/or house parties.

5. The Doldrums/Income Years: Well, if you are listening to music during your mid-20s, its probably overly loud background music at some trendy, newly-opened bar that keeps you from hearing the annoying drunk girl talking about how much she hates her job and just wants to find a guy and live at the beach and drink cocktails on weeknights and some other bullshit you can’t hear nor care about. Typically it is the crappy follow-up albums of bands that hit it big with one or two songs on their first album then over-produce their sophomore release in the name of expanding and experimenting with their ‘talents’. I’m looking at you Train/Creed/John Mayer. Fortunately in your quiet times you are discovering artists who appreciate writing good music, the folksy, singer-songwriters. No, not those, you know, the good ones: Norah Jones, Iron & Wine, Patty Griffin, Ryan Adams, David Gray, and Elliott Smith. Which also leads you to the more eclectic bands, like: Cake, Drive-By Trucks, Death Cab, and others. And just like many of your favorite bands that last more than 2 albums, are begin re-invent your musical style and tastes…without giving up your roots of your formative years.
1. The 20-somethings of today continue to follow this pattern, naming many bands I’ve never heard of, surmising the age of “I know music that you don’t know” attitude.

6. Who Cares/Settling Period: Currently you find yourself with less time to listen to music – the job, family, chores, arrands, meetings, meeting about the meetings. However, you look at it, you find yourself wanting to just listen to music you like. Who has time to scour the internet, music stores (the ones that still exist), open-mics, or opening acts for new discoveries? It is about this time that you acknowledge the fact that your musical tastes are static and dated. But who cares? Many of the bands you loved in high school can still rock, and even if they can’t, you’ve got their original works to listen and re-listen to for years to come. Of course, you do come across new stuff…usually on a commercial or TV show (good thing that in the modern era, you get music a la carte). Then, from time to time, you experience new artist just by the shear inundation of praise, exposure, and recommendations. So welcome to the world of: Mumford & Sons, Andrew Bird, Josh Ritter, Matt & Kim, Coldplay, Amy Winehouse, Flo Rida, Adele, The Killers, and Black Eyed Peas.

Now your bands and individual experiences may vary but the patterns should emerge relatively the same. And by no means is this a comprehensive or entirely accurate representation of my own music catalog but do apply to the appropriate time periods. If I am way off base, let me know, and if you have any suggestions for some new music I have to check out, remember, time is limited so it’d better be good or I’m gonna beat your ass.

Lincoln to Obama

Dear Mr. President,

I am writing to you, as a former President of this great Union, to bestow upon you the wisdom collected from my years in office. Now I know you are familiar with my undying devotion to my wife and country. The long period of turmoil during the Great War aged and tormented my soul - as I am sure you as great perils, obstacles, and choices weighing heavy on your mind. To that degree, I am sure you have studies my political strategies: emphasizing oration, debate, and bipartisanship to aid in your endeavor to unify this highly stratified land. Many will compared our administrations in the laying of new tracks as we both steamed on into the unknown political frontier. But, Mr. President, I implore you to heed my advice and listen to the whispers of my voice from yester-days. Heavy is the gavel of man, and you, sir, are on trial in the court of history.

One must be humble in the presences of almighty power. However, one must have strength, strength of character, strength of morality, because power can shackle a person, bond them to motionless locomotives, forever idle and without tracks. This great nation demands a leader that can balance this scale. Justice is blind, sir, and so are the annals of history so tread softly and let faith and reason guide your steps. Mr. President, let this be my last words of solace, gaze upon the future with the clearest vision as change is difficult and unwelcomed by most. May the winds be favorable and the sail forever unfurled.

A. Lincoln

Generation Gap

I’m calling this my old man rant. I’m far from old, but I am beginning to see the gap between myself and next generation. I have reached a point in my life that I am now twice the age of many graduating seniors. And now that I work in an environment surrounded by the aforementioned youths, I am finding some alarming trends. Yet, I’ve been pondering this one for a while…see, I started back in 2008 when I was attempting to get back into writing (this does not bode well for this to be a continuous venture, if history says anything about my dedication to the medium of writing). So bare with me as I take you back to my first attempt and try to pick it up 4 ½ years later, although much of it still applies…

I know, I know, it has been a while…a long while. Hey, it’s me, you know me. I haven’t changed much, same venue - different room. I’ve been thinking lately, that’s what abnormal amounts of quiet will do to you (that’s why you need to turn the music up loud kids). I’ve got a lot of things on my mind and I needed to reach in there and scoop it out like ice cream - I’ll let you add your own toppings

I figured all my ramblings couldn’t be encapsulated into a single, all-encompassing blog, but I think I might have come up with a theme, it might be a stretch, hang in there with me, hope you are flexible.

So here we are, still in the 0’s but almost out into those fun teen years,’08 to be more precise (at least I hope to be done with thing before the end of the year). Life and technology are moving faster than anyone can keep up with (yes, even you). No amount of doping or HGH will help you keep pace. I have come to observe that even the separation of a few years can greatly characterize where we are in our social interactions. Using myself as an example, and I always assume that I am the norm, deal, I graduated high school in the mid-90’s, attended college thereafter. During that time, the interwebs was coming of age to the general public, beginning in the academic arena. I had access to Netscape, newsgroups, and the beginning of what we called the world wide web (the www for those of you who didn’t know why we have to type that in front of our web address). My major form of communication in college was e-mail (see here for more info). Upon graduation I got my first cell phone (still have the same # I was first issued amazingly enough) and used it sparingly to call friends and family (again, see above link).

…so its now 2012, see much of the above still does applies, sadly. And yes, I still have the same phone number…hit me up! (the end of that sentence just shows you how out of touch I am with the new breed of teenagers) Obviously I did not finish that train of thought at the time, thus is sat on the shelf, collecting dust, allowing time pass, allowing more technology to be invented, and widening the gap between past and present. With technology developing at such an exponential rate, a lot has changed in that time. But with any advances in technology, and far too often, societal changes are not considered for the sake of greater laziness. I’m this has been believed since our grandfathers’ grandfathers experienced life with electricity for the first time, “these elevators are going to make these kids all fat and lazy.” If they only knew how right they were. Thus the reason why I am calling this my old man rant. Now, picking up where my ’08 self left off…

‘12, not yet a teen but in that awkward stage of development when you start noticing “those changes”. I can’t even imagine what life must be like for the youth of today, and I interact with them on a daily basis. One thing is for sure, their cell phones are firmly implanted to their person. If desire is the aspiration of progress, then you’ll be seeing Bluetooth contacts with a heads-up displace of cell phone screens in the not too distant future. (helps that I have already implanted suggested that idea to my student) I crossed out implanted because in the future they are going to implant microchips into our brains so can remember things. Which is a good thing because I read some where that access to all these search engines, looking up information instantaneously, is causing our long term memories to shrink. Until that is accomplished there’s a chance that my students won’t remember my suggestion and we’ll remain left with young, distracted danger-mobiles on our American roads. Let’s hope we all make it out of our teen years.

Don’t get me wrong, many of these advances have provided our population with improved quality of life, longer lives, easier lives, allowing us to do other things with our lives. However, much to the detriment to society, some of these technological advances can create unintended side effects. And if you don’t see the rise in popularity of zombie-themed pop-culture productions as a metaphor for our mindless dependence on technology, then maybe you are one yourself. And that’s today’s word.

Hiatus

I’ve been going back through my blog for editing and inspiration to get back to writing. Just like with any historical exploration, I’m finding how much I have changed, and now much I have not. I still employ the same, overused run-on sentences with far too many incorrectly used punctuations and nonsensical conversations style writing. My most recent post still rants on cell phones, communication, and bad reality TV shows. Its like looking back at old photographs and seeing that same long-sleeve t-shirt you are currently wears as you are viewing the photograph (see, nonsensical). Also, apparently, I still use parentheses to make aside comments, but isn’t that there purpose?

Now, what has changed? Well, marriage, house, car, nephews, job, friends, co-workers (not necessarily in that order). I don’t play as many video games. There are new TV shows to disdain, new music to live my life to, new knowledge to draw from, more pop culture to reference, and better technology to love and hate. So, even if it has all been done before, it will at least be different because the times have changed. And, heck, the classics are classic because they are classic.

I’ve been holding back on rewriting some of my old posts, even if 5 years have past and updates might make them more relevant to today, but that’s the beauty of the internet, anything up there can survive forever. Yes, it would help if the post were read at the time of posting and had a better understanding of the references, but that’s what made them timely and topical. So, feel free to go back and read some historical (2007), event driving posts. Some of the humor may be lost but the commentary is still relevant, in my opinion (imo – for you 2012ers) However, if you do plan on clicking through the history of my whimsically spastic rants, I would recommend starting from the beginning to understand my ongoing mental stream of thought.

And yes, I am working my way back through to fix any grammatical errors, actually, they are more like omissions than grammatical errors. Sometimes my brain works faster than I type, or my fingers type without consulting my brain. Maybe that is why my sociology professor at UVa questioned why I was even admitted at all…probably doesn’t help that I never re-read my own shit. I guess that’s why I teach it to my students – don’t make the same mistakes I did (and still do). Let that be a lesson for you all.

Hello, 2007, it's me, 2012.

I step out into the cold, turn up my collar to the brisk wind that swirls in this barren wasteland of modern life. It’s the year, 2012 anno domini – and in this futuristic landscape you’ll find images that would be unrecognizable to my younger eyes, things only a sci-fi film of 2007 could create with computer generated effects. As I look around with amazed bewilderment I see people staring at small, portable devices with screens that emanate bright colors and sounds, unable to tear themselves away long enough even to acknowledge the traffic that is also not acknowledging them as they walk across – what is now seen as a loose interpretation of an intersection (see, in the future, for most, laws are mere suggestions). Well, citizens of 2007, I write to you from the future, a time spiraling out of control toward a vast and powerful worm-hole of technology, greed, and divisiveness. Speaking of…

Politics

Hey, you remember all those movies that were set in “the future” and you knew that because the President of the U.S. was black (it is ok to say black now, as appose to African-American because most black people don’t want to be lumped in with actual African-American – immigrants from Africa. How futuristic is that?!?). Well, the future is here my friends…Barack Obama was elected as the first black president (well, half-black, but it’s a step in the right direction). He was also the first black president to get re-elected, not bad for first timer. And in those movies, the Presidents had to deal with some kind of natural apocalypse threatening to put major cities under water or in a snow-covered wasteland? Well, that almost happened (see “Superstorm Sandy”, even the name conjures up a Roland Emmerich / Jerry Bruckheimer -esque flicks) Some blame the destruction on NYC and NJ on their liberal debauchery and secular tendencies…I blame Snooki and “The Situation” for being, well, Snooki and “The Situation” - that and global warming, speaking of…

Technology

The aforementioned and often commented on cell phone addiction has exponentially worsened. As predicted by yours truly, cellular devices have replaced actually human interaction. Remember when your phones could only make voice calls and send text messages…well now you can ignore people in the virtual world as well, by using your phones to access the internet, check facebook (oh, that’s this site that’s like myspace but easier to use, and now is kind of unpopular amongst the kids because more people are using it…even your parents), oh, and twitter. Speaking of…are we supposed to be interested in what Kathy Griffin thinks of Dancing with the Voice Stars X-Factor? Apparently people do because they’ll emerge themselves in the digital glow of pixels while enjoying a meal in a romantic restaurant with their significant others, who are also emerged in the ambient glow of LED illumination. Speaking of…

Pop Culture 

You know those annoying reality TV shows that dilute your cable TV menu…well, imagine them on steroids…yeah, Lance Armstrong style. The Voice, X-Factor, Dancing with the Stars: All-stars, Undercover Boss, Kitchen Nightmares, American Pickers, Coast Guard: Miami, America’s Next Top Baby’s Daddy: Most Wanted Alimony Avoider Edition. I mean, reality shows that are on channels that have nothing to do with the content of the reality show. Pawn Stars on History Channel? Oh, and the so-called stars of these shows somehow make more money than firefighters, police officers, teachers, factory workers, military personnel…combined (ok, that might be an exaggeration). Of course, if we didn’t watch them, they wouldn’t be on. I blame you 2007, if we had just stopped watching American Idol after they discovered the only 5 talented singers in the country not already discovered, then we would have never gone down this shit-slide of muddled mediocrity.  Speaking of…

This blog

So those blog posts you added in that ancient and archaic year of 2007, maybe you should have done some revising to fix all those grammatical errors, what are you, some kind of uneducated 2012 high school student? Get with the program. Now, if you could give me some advice on how to find that great age of innocence, to remember what makes something humorous, and to find the time to update this thing more than once every 5 years.

2007, my memories of you are fading to an unrecognizable blur of faces and events, like ripples in a pond of time. Your bright optimism and sundrenched world have been replaced with dim pessimism and cloud covered days….wait, 2012 isn’t all that bad. It’s actually pretty awesome. Bet you wish you had access to iPads, self-parking cars, and holograms (ok, that one isn’t here yet, but we’re closer to it than you 2007, ha!) So stay tuned 2007, cause 2013 is just around the corner (if we are all still here – I’m looking at you, Mayans). Get ready for some not-so-humorous, often ridiculous, and definitely erroneous dribble coming to a sundrenched world near you.