Just a few things that have been
on my mind lately…when I’ve been consciences enough to think (which might
explain why these aren’t really all that coherent)
-
We should create literal objects that are
used in figurative speech…like timetable, put a clock in a table. The rat race,
make rat racing popular by showing it on ESPN2. We'll do this just to mess with people so
they can’t figure out which one we are talking about.
-
Hey, Stephen A. Smith, the louder you
scream does not make you more right.
-
I’m sure someone has said this before
but, people who start a sentence with “I don’t mean to be rude, but…” or “I
don’t mean to interrupt, but…” are about the say or do exactly what they don’t mean
to say or do. It is even worse than just saying or doing what you don’t mean to
say or do because you are acknowledging the fact you are about to say or do
exactly what you don’t mean to do. I’d rather you just tell me I have a face
that looks like Chris Christie’s ball sack and not know you are being rude.
-
I often wonder if I’m that friend in the
group that is the one that everyone else thinks is just a huge dork and is
trying way too hard, like Andre from “The League” or Cliff from “Cheers” or
Cricket from “It’s Always Sunny…” Oh well, guess I’ll go back to wearing my
fedora hat spouting random trivia and fawning over Dee
(also, see first thought, that should explain a lot)
-
Where is the reality TV show about the
making of a movie about reality TV shows?
-
My headphones are lying on the floor in
the shape of a brontosaurus head (sorry, Apatosaurus)…no kidding, it’s a little
scary. I just hope it doesn’t sneeze on me (right, Adriana Richards?)
-
I’m a little worried that I cannot
remember ANYTHING past 1998, curse you on-demand information. I can list for
you my childhood phone number, every player by position on the 1990 world
champion Cincinnati Reds team (even Hal Morris who came in as a defensive sub
at 1st base to catch the Rickey Henderson pop-out to win the
decisive game 4 sweep!), the cast members of the Breakfast Club, the afternoon
line-up of cartoons on fox, and can describe for you my elementary school
Christmas play in great detail, I, of course, was a dashing toy soldier. Ask me
to name 2/3rd of the cast of the Avengers and I’d blankly stare at
your face.
-
I’m pretty sure that 60% of the time
you’ll find me wearing two different socks, because I get dressed in the dark,
which probably says a lot.
-
I’m sure if Superman had known what
Margot Kidder was to become, he would have never spun the earth in the opposite
direction and turned back time to save her from that earthquake. Speaking of
which, how much reality do you have to suspend to believe that that
could actually happen, if anything, the Earth would have been really fucked up
and all out of wack.
-
I’m not sure that my students are
thinking the same thing as me when I mention “fiscal cliff.”
-
At what age does it become embarrassing
to play with LEGOs? And why is it less acceptable than building a model “Helm’s
Deep?”
-
I’m just waiting for 1980s fashion to
come back so I can stop laughing at old pictures (of myself) and start laughing
at actual people. 1980s comedies are comical for a whole different reason
now-a-days. Sorry, Cory Haim, R.I.P.
-
Flat tires blow!
-
When Bigfoot gets lonely, she shaves and
does a movie under the name Mickey Rourke
-
If we didn’t have daylight savings, would
everything just go dark?
-
I say we just get rid of leap day and let
things just play out, see if we can really adjust to subtle changes, you know,
to help us prepare for global warming.
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