Be My...Bob?

Happy Wednesday! Oh, right, its Valentine’s Day. So why should one person get a whole day dedicated to them just because they were a saint? Stupid Hallmark. Oh, so it appears that it is for two martyrs. But don’t get me wrong, I feel the same way just the same. I mean there are 6 billion + people in the world, not to mention all the ones that have lived and died, why celebrate just one (or two) of them? I guess the idea is that we celebrate what they represent…love, which has nothing to do with the two martyrs but whatever.

So do we need to set aside one day so that women get to enjoy the reminder that their men love them? ONE DAY?!? Seriously, maybe if we, as men (who are under the delusional belief we run the world) could spread out the love over the course of an entire year, we wouldn’t have to drop a few hundred bucks on dinner, chocolate, flowers, and jewelry to remind our women we love them. Women - I will get to you in a minute, you aren’t innocent here either. So if emotional or economic arguments doesn’t work on you guys, how about one that really hits home and heart: TV commercials. Imagine a world devoid of television commercials directed at those neglecting men (not you of course) who will re-ignite the fire of their relationship by buying that $3000 diamond necklace because the rest of the year he’s got that golf game on Saturday, that meeting that ran late, happy hour with the guys, tickets to that game, another bachelor’s party for his friend who’s getting married for the fourth time. If we, as men, would drive the economic machine away from being focused on one day, the commercials would slowly dissipate and return to those adverts that we love so much…like that guy who works in an office with a bunch of monkeys, genius. So go give your lady some much overdue appreciation and keep it going all the way until next Valentine’s Day. Maybe we will keep them happy and avoid having to buy expensive trinkets to prove our appreciation and get rid of those subliminal dosed advertisements during our beloved basketball games.

Now ladies, you needy, needy ladies (I mean this in the most sincere way), let me clue you into something that you may not believe/know/understand. We as men tend to show affection in ways missed by most of your gender. Think of it as being like a T-Rex who can only see movement or Predator only seeing heat signatures. For most of you, we are like Arnold covered in cool, cool mud and standing still: totally transparent, when it comes to affection showing. Take for instance this blog. I am showing affection for you, as women, by offering a little insight into the emotional side of men, albeit a small side, we do have one. Now, as you may have noticed, my references to Jurassic Park and Predator may be lost on you, thus appear to be unaffectionate, this is how men work. On average, most men are unable to show affection by making references to “Bridges of Madison County” or “Gone with the Wind” – it is against our nature. If they can make romances involve explosions and fight scenes, then maybe. Men love things that are cool, like laser cannons, sports, high speed chases, and monkeys. So if a man includes you, ladies, into any one of those activities, in fantasy or reality, then you should take that as a sign of affection. For instance, let’s say your man takes you to the zoo, encounters a laser cannon toting mutant monkey which turns into a high speed chase through downtown then ends in a battle royale fight club type event…that might just be the ultimate romantic date for him. Expect a proposal in the near future. Now, we as men know that women express their affection in their own way, usually involving (in no particular order) a lot of crying, sighing, gazing, giggling, and hysterics, often all in the span 20 seconds. So do not fret, if we each show our affections in our own way and are able to recognize them in each other, then we can avoid any unjustified accusations of alienation or uncaring. Or that I live in my own fantasy world and watch too much TV and never listen to anything you have to say, ignoring you, not paying attention to your feelings, only caring about “whether that hobbit guy makes it to the volcano to push that ugly bald thing with the ring into the lava”…oh, ahh, just as a for instance there, not at all based on real life events. OK.

So there you have it, Valentine’s Day reform proposals. Try to make everyday Valentine’s Day, sans the over priced jewelry, dinner, chocolate, spa treatment – then everyone will be happy! Except for single people…where’s the day for them? Isn’t there some kind of Saint Bob de Accounting who died asking an out-of-his-league lady out for coffee or something? I hereby proclaim St. Bob de Accounting Day, now every 3rd Friday in August.